President George W. Bush has been working around the clock to put the finishing touches on a speech to the American people in which he will announce a comprehensive exit strategy from reality, White House aides confirmed today.

When reports emerged that the president was considering deploying an additional “surge” of troops in Iraq against the advice of military experts and overwhelming public sentiment, many in Washington suspected that the move was part of a larger plan to withdraw from reality entirely.

But not until spokesperson Tony Snow addressed reporters today did the White House officially confirm that the president was about to announce an exit strategy from the land of rational thought.

“The president never intended to occupy the world of reality indefinitely,” Mr. Snow told reporters. “He is planning a new way forward, and that way forward is a one-way ticket to fantasyland.”

Moments after Mr. Snow announced Mr. Bush’s plan to unveil an exit strategy from reality, members of the press corps started peppering him with questions about a deadline by which the president will have totally taken leave of his senses.

The White House spokesperson said that the president refused to set a formal timetable for his withdrawal from reality, but added that it was realistic assume that Mr. Bush’s exit from the real world would be complete by year’s end: “It helps that he’s ninety percent of the way there already.”

Elsewhere, rocker Pete Doherty denied reports that he had married supermodel Kate Moss, but confirmed reports that he had tried to inhale her.