Just minutes after former presidential candidate John Edwards admitted having an extramarital affair during the 2008 campaign, The National Enquirer published potentially explosive photos of an infant with a $400 haircut.
Even as Mr. Edwards denied fathering a love-child with a former campaign aide, the photos of the expensively coiffured tot raised fresh questions about his honesty.
Prominent haircut experts who have studied the Enquirer photos said that the resemblance between the baby’s hairdo and that of the former North Carolina senator was striking.
“This is such a close match, I think it eliminates the need for a paternity test,” said haircut expert Carol Foyler. “This would be a slam-dunk on ‘Maury.’”
Ms. Foyler said there was only a “one in a million chance” that someone other than Mr. Edwards had fathered the child in the Enquirer photo: “The only other man who’s wealthy enough to give his baby a $400 haircut is Donald Trump, and that baby would have a comb-over.”
For his part, Mr. Edwards attempted to regain the high road, telling reporters, “I still believe there are two Americas, and I have had a sexual relationship in each of them.”
DETROIT (The Borowitz Report) – General Motors’ decision yesterday to stop manufacturing Hummers has struck at the heart of the group who loved the vehicles most: America’s assholes. Across t... [ + ]
SILICON VALLEY (The Borowitz Report) – A new social network is about to alter the playing field of the social media world, and it’s called PhoneBook. According to its creators, who invented the... [ + ]
Andy Borowitz live in New York, 7/2/09
Your complete roundup of the many occurrences of Dick Cheney.
Andy Borowitz discusses the struggle to make politically correct punchlines