Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin said today that America was less safe now that she was no longer keeping an eye on Russia, but added that she hoped other Alaskans would step up to fill the security void she has left.

“What with me being out and about trying to progress the agenda of so many Americans out there, it’s not possible for me to be seeing when Putin’s rearing his head like I used to be doing,” she said.

She urged fellow residents of her hometown, Wasilla, to keep an eye out for the suspicious activities of any Russians they might see from their front porches.

“It’s just like a neighborhood watch, only with the neighborhood being America and the watching we’re doing not being for car thieves and all but for Communists with big furry hats,” she said.

She also admonished the media to “quit making things up,” adding, “that’s my job.”

In other news:

• Congress urged Americans not to get sick until after the August recess.
• Red Sox slugger David Ortiz responded to steroids allegations by throwing a car at a reporter.
• Palin Update: A spokesman for the former Governor denied rumors that the Palins were divorcing, saying, “It’s not like her to walk out on a commitment.”  More here.

Email This Story to a Friend