CUPERTINO, CA (The Borowitz Report) – Amid fears that publicity-starved parents may try to convince unwitting viewers that they have launched giant balloons with their children inside, Apple today introduced a new iPhone app that detects balloon hoaxes.

The app, called iBalloon, enables the user to point the iPhone at a balloon overhead to determine whether or not there is a child inside.

In other news, Merriam-Webster, the dictionary company, said that the word “balloon” is now an acceptable verb, meaning “fuck with.”

The online dictionary offers this example of the new verb: “You come home at 3 AM and say you were at work all that time – are you ballooning me?”

Elsewhere, Afghan president Hamid Zarkai was accused of ballooning the recent presidential election.  More here. 

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