Northwest Pilots Not in Cockpit; Found at Home Hiding in Box
‘Happy Ending,' Airline Spokesman Says
MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – The mystery surrounding the Northwest Airlines flight that strayed 150 miles from its intended destination was resolved today as Northwest reported that the two pilots for the flight were never in the cockpit to begin with.
“We found them safe at home, hiding in a box,” said Northwest spokesperson Carol Foyler. “We’re just glad that this story had a happy ending.”
Despite the positive resolution to the pilots’ drama, Northwest said they were moving forward on a number of safety measures, such as banning the computer game Guitar Hero in the cockpit.
Elsewhere, Elizabeth Taylor revised her statement that the Michael Jackson film “This Is It” is “the most brilliant piece of filmmaking I have ever seen” to read, “I have gone completely around the bend.” More here.
Featured Stories
In Confident Sign, Gingrich Changes Facebook Status to ‘In an Open Relationship’
Newt to America: ‘Join Me. Join Me in My Marriage’
CHARLESTON, SC (The Borowitz Report) – In a sign o... [ + ]
A Letter from Mitt Romney
About My Finances
SOUTH CAROLINA (The Borowitz Report) – Republican presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney ha... [ + ]
A Letter from Kim Jong-un
To the People of Iowa
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report) – The following is a letter from Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North ... [ + ]
Greece Offers to Repay Bailout with Giant Horse
Steed Wheeled Into Brussels at Night
BRUSSELS (The Borowitz Report) – In what many are hailing as a breakthro... [ + ]
A Letter from Goldman Sachs
Concerning Occupy Wall Street
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)– The following is a letter released today by Lloyd Blankfe... [ + ]
Manufacturers of Downward Arrows Post Record Profits
Rare Bright Spot on Wall Street
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – In what stock market analysts are pointing to as a rare bright spot i... [ + ]
Obama Says US Not Deserting Iraq: ‘We Will Continue to Follow You on Twitter’
Promises Strong Social Networking Ties with Iraqi People
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) Marking the withdrawal of the final US troops from Ira... [ + ]
Rabid Dog Briefly Mistaken for Tea Party Candidate
Receives Standing Ovation at Missouri Rally
JEFFERSON CITY, MO (The Borowitz Report) - A rabid Doberman Pinscher jumped on stage at a Tea Party rall... [ + ]
Featured Videos
Andy discusses the 50 Funniest
On MSNBC’s Morning Joe, Andy Borowitz talks about his new book, The 50 Funniest American Writers.
Borowitz on Bachmann
Andy in NYC
Andy in NYC, 5/18/11
CBS Sunday Morning profile of Andy Borowitz
Andy in NYC 10/20/10
