WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – As the healthcare reform bill makes its way through the U.S. Senate, Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D-Conn.) said today that he was “actively exploring” new ways to be as big a dick as humanly possible.

For Sen. Lieberman, whose reputation for assholic behavior is legendary, striving to be an even bigger douche than usual represents a formidable challenge, Senate insiders say.

But if the Connecticut senator found the burden of being the most egregious asshat in the Senate daunting in the least he did not show it in a brief meeting with reporters in the Capitol rotunda.

“I promised the people of Connecticut that I was going to be the biggest shitheel I could be, and as God is my witness, that’s what I’m going to do,” he said. 

Elsewhere, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said that her audiobook would be read by Barney the Dinosaur.  More here.

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