WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The United States Senate today unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCare^TM:

– Under CompromiseCare^TM, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.

– Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.

– You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.

– States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.

– You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.

– You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.

– A patient will be considered “pre-existing” if he or she already exists.

– You’ll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.

– Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is “Lieberman.”

– You will have access to natural remedies, such as death.  More here.

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