WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – One day after claiming responsibility for the Christmas Day underpants bomber, Osama bin Laden appeared in a new terror tape today in which he claimed responsibility for the Balloon Boy hoax that held the nation spellbound last year.
“The so-called Balloon Boy claimed that he ‘did it for the show,’” a stern-faced bin Laden says on the tape, which surfaced Sunday morning. “In point of fact, he did it for jihad!”
In the somewhat rambling tape, Mr. bin Laden spends 45 minutes claiming responsibility for other things, including the massive Tylenol recall, John Edwards’ illegitimate baby, and the Detroit Lions’ NFL season.
According to a CIA analyst familiar with the tape, a new characterization of Osama bin Laden may be beginning to emerge: “He’s like a movie executive: no matter how little he was involved, he claims credit.”
Elsewhere, Tiger Woods denied reports that he had changed his ringtone to “Pants on the Ground.” More here.
For real-time fake news updates, go to http://twitter.com/BorowitzReport
DETROIT (The Borowitz Report) – General Motors’ decision yesterday to stop manufacturing Hummers has struck at the heart of the group who loved the vehicles most: America’s assholes. Across t... [ + ]
SILICON VALLEY (The Borowitz Report) – A new social network is about to alter the playing field of the social media world, and it’s called PhoneBook. According to its creators, who invented the... [ + ]
Andy Borowitz live in New York, 7/2/09
Your complete roundup of the many occurrences of Dick Cheney.
Andy Borowitz discusses the struggle to make politically correct punchlines