WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In the wake of several cranky public utterances by Arizona’s senior senator in recent days, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans favor an earlier bedtime for John McCain.

Fifty-two percent of those surveyed strongly agreed with the statement, “When John McCain says he doesn’t want to serve in the Senate even though he is running for re-election it makes me think he missed his nap.”

When asked which other public figures appear to be staying up past their bedtime, forty-one percent named Newsweek’s Howard Fineman.

Respondents strongly agreed with the statement, “When Howard Fineman starts going on about how Barack Obama is like a Kenyan long-distance runner it makes me think he should already be in his pajamas.”

In other news, Vice President Joe Biden said he regretted his most recent caught-on-mic comment, “John Boehner can bite my big fat throbbing cock.”  More here.

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