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Poll: Majority of Americans Prefer Sleeping Trump to Conscious Version
When asked to state what they liked most about the slumbering Trump, 72 percent checked “Cannot say anything,” while a whopping 83 percent ticked “Can…
Apr 17
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Poll: Majority of Americans Prefer Sleeping Trump to Conscious Version
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Trump Rejects Several Female Jurors as Not His Type
The judge declared Trump out of order when he commented that one of the women was “a 5 or a 6 at best.”
Apr 15
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Trump Rejects Several Female Jurors as Not His Type
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Profile in Terror: Kristi Noem
Meet a top Republican VP prospect. She’s Trump without the empathy.
Apr 14
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Profile in Terror: Kristi Noem
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216
Most Innocent People Try to Delay Trials, Experts Say
“Generally speaking, people who have done nothing wrong want to push the day when their name is cleared as far into the future as they can,” one legal…
Apr 12
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Most Innocent People Try to Delay Trials, Experts Say
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RFK Jr. Spreads Conspiracy Theory That His Mind is Being Controlled by Total Idiot
Kennedy said that he had “suspected” that his brain was being manipulated by an egregious dunce “for some time,” but when he heard himself claim that…
Apr 10
1,871
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RFK Jr. Spreads Conspiracy Theory That His Mind is Being Controlled by Total Idiot
www.borowitzreport.com
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Experts Warn That Staring at Eclipse May Cause Brain Damage
A person who has made the reckless and foolhardy mistake of looking directly at an eclipse is likely to exhibit “lack of impulse control leading to…
Apr 8
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Experts Warn That Staring at Eclipse May Cause Brain Damage
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Who Will Visit Trump in Prison?
We consider the most likely visitors.
Apr 7
642
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Who Will Visit Trump in Prison?
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168
Effort to Control Uteri Led By Men With Small Peni
“The good news is, there is no shortage of men with small peni in Florida,” the group's organizer said. “We’ve had a lot of luck at gun shows.”
Apr 5
1,301
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Effort to Control Uteri Led By Men With Small Peni
www.borowitzreport.com
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158
Desperate Trump Tries To Fix Plunging Stock Price With Sharpie
Incensed by CNBC’s graph tracking his stock’s dizzying descent, Trump uncapped a black Sharpie and started defacing the TV screen in a desperate attempt…
Apr 2
1,830
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Desperate Trump Tries To Fix Plunging Stock Price With Sharpie
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All Copies of Trump's Bible Recalled After It Was Found to Contain Nuclear Codes
“They were down at Mar-a-Lago, mashing up the Bible, the Pledge of Allegiance, Lee Greenwood lyrics, and other things that were lying around,” a source…
Apr 1
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All Copies of Trump's Bible Recalled After It Was Found to Contain Nuclear Codes
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March 2024
Profile in Ignorance: Eric Trump
If Eric is willing to put in the work, he has the raw stupidity necessary to snatch the princely Trump crown from Don Jr.’s cavernous head.
Mar 31
714
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Profile in Ignorance: Eric Trump
www.borowitzreport.com
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231
Trump Forced to Sell Prized Collection of House Republicans
Even as the indicted businessman put his used legislators on the block, some questioned how much they will fetch.
Mar 27
1,961
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Trump Forced to Sell Prized Collection of House Republicans
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