The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, reveals that 23 percent of those surveyed “strongly agreed” with the statement, “I believe that Barack Obama’s birth was faked, just like the moon landing.”

The poll results coincide with the recent rise of the so-called “Exister” movement, a group who believes that Mr. Obama is an optical illusion created by the Democratic Party to raise taxes and bail out banks.

“The Birthers say that Obama’s lack of a birth certificate means he was born in Kenya,” says Jerrilene Rance, a leading Exister.  “We believe it’s proof that he was never born.”

Ms. Rance says that while President George W. Bush was criticized for disappearing every August, “Obama is never there to begin with.”

Appearing Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) made comments about Mr. Obama’s existence that only stoked the controversy.

“I’ve spoken to him face-to-face, and I take him at his word that he exists,” he said.  “Unless of course I was talking to a hologram.”

At the White House, spokesman Robert Gibbs brushed aside a question about the President’s existence, saying that Mr. Obama had “no comment.”

Exister leader Jerrilene Rance offered this response: “The reason he has no comment is that he has no mouth.”

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According to a new study commissioned by the U.S. Department of Labor, workers are less likely to suffer from stress and “go off” at the workplace if they know that leaving their job is just one inflatable slide away.

Starting on Monday, inflatable slides will be installed in such diverse workplaces as Home Depot, Starbucks, and the White House, said Labor Secretary Hilda Solis.

“If post offices had inflatable slides, think of the lives we could have saved,” she said. More here.

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The “filler” columns are churned out in a matter of minutes with no loftier goal than meeting a deadline and filling up space — meaning that columnists will often resort to using the same words or phrase again and again and again and again and again.

And rather than doing any original writing, the slothful columnists will rely on so-called “experts” to supply them with quotes to fill up space, experts say.

“They’ll often quote people you’ve never heard of,” says Harold Crimmins, an expert in the field of filler columns. “It’s pretty shameless.”

The typical “filler” column is often a reprint of a previously published column, but the writer will later plug in one cursory reference to current events, such as Chelsea Clinton’s wedding, to disguise this fact.

And in order to fill up space even faster, Crimmins says, the lazy beach-bound columnist will compose his summer “filler” columns with short paragraphs.

Many of these paragraphs will be as short as one sentence, he says.

“Or shorter,” he adds.

There are other telltale signs a reader can look for in order to determine whether a writer has, in fact, filed a so-called “filler” column, according to Crimmins.

One of these is a tendency to repeat information that the reader has already read earlier in the article, with columnists even stooping to using the same quote twice.

“They’ll often quote people you’ve never heard of,” Crimmins says.

Another tip-off is if the column ends abruptly.

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Bucky, the red deer selected to take the helm at BP, is believed to be the first woodland creature ever to run a multinational corporation.

In his first appearance before reporters in London, however, the antlered executive garnered mixed reviews for what some observers said was an unsteady performance.

Appearing frightened by the TV lights, Bucky kicked over the podium and then pranced down the hall before being subdued by a tranquilizer dart.

“Clearly he’s a little rough around the edges,” said BP board chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg.  “But he still did better than Tony.”

Elsewhere, Apple unveiled a new iPhone app that translates Fox News into news. More here.

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I must be doing something right.

My latest PBS segment on Sarah Palin’s inventive language, Palinese, has inspired an avalanche of right-wing comments, orchestrated by a right-wing website.  They accuse me of everything but being born in Kenya.

Please go to the link below and if you feel so inclined, fight the haters with your own comments.  I promise you yours will be better spelled.

Love,

Andy

Click here to watch Andy’s PBS Segment

While claiming that “refudiate” is a real word, she reserved her right to make up new words in the future.

“Everyone makes up words – Shakespeare, George W. Bush, Levi Johnston,” she said.  “The only person I know who doesn’t do it is my husband Todd, who doesn’t speak.”

Gov. Palin also lashed out at those who criticized her use of the word “refudiate,” calling them “incohecent.”

In a related story, Gov. Palin would defeat President Barack Obama if she ran in 2012, according to a poll published in Mayan Prophecy Weekly. More here.

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In living rooms, bars, and restaurants across the country, a record audience gathered to watch the rich guy announce who would be signing his massive new paychecks.

In New York’s Times Square, Tracy Klugian, 27, was one of thousands who braved the blistering temperature to watch the multimillionaire reveal the location of his new employer.

“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything,” Mr. Klugian said.  “For anyone who considers himself a fan of the rich getting richer, this was must-see TV.”

Based on the record ratings for its special featuring the rich guy, ESPN announced that instead of airing NBA games it would schedule two-hour specials showing the rich guy cashing his ginormous paychecks.  More here.

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“The oil will need to be changed every six months or every 15,000 lies,” said the BP spokesman.  “Whatever comes sooner.”

The announcement about the oil change came on the heels of BP’s decision earlier in the week to separate the Gulf into two sections, full-serve and self-serve.

Sensing that the company was staring down a deepening public relations disaster, BP CEO Tony Hayward attempted to sound a compassionate note: “If this sort of damage were being inflicted on my yacht, I would be devastated.”

According to experts, the BP oil spill is now the second-worst leak in U.S. history, after Michael Steele’s mouth.  More here.

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“Assuming that aliens have been monitoring Earth for the past month in preparation for an invasion, they’ve probably figured out it’s no longer worth the trip,” Dr. Hawking said.

Speaking at a conference of the International Society of Eminent Theoretical Physicists, Dr. Hawking added, “Most extraterrestrials would want to come to Earth to destroy it, and let’s face it, this planet has been pretty much pre-destroyed.”

Even if aliens planned to travel to Earth to warn humans against destroying their own planet, Dr. Hawking said, “If they showed up now and took a look around they’d be like, ‘Oops, too late.’”

The physicist said that the rocket fuel aliens would have to expend to launch an Earth invasion was significant, “and you don’t spend that kind of money to invade a shithole.”

In recognition of his role in deterring an alien invasion, Queen Elizabeth II of England today knighted Tony Hayward, the CEO of oil giant BP.

In remarks to reporters after the knighting ceremony at Buckingham Palace, Sir Tony said he would be working tirelessly this week to study the impact of the Gulf oil spill on the beaches of the South of France.  More here.

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At a press conference at corporate headquarters in London, BP CEO Tony Hayward said that environmentalists would embrace the new technology “because lies are a totally renewable resource.”

Illustrating the impact of BP’s new technology, Mr. Hayward told reporters, “Over the past month alone, my words could power the city of London for a year.”

But the new technology has its skeptics, including the University of Minnesota’s Davis Logsdon, who warns of the dangers of “lie spills.”

“We have learned from recent BP press conferences that once the lie flow starts, it can be very hard to stop,” he says.  More here.

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