<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><urlset xmlns="http://www.sitemaps.org/schemas/sitemap/0.9" xmlns:news="http://www.google.com/schemas/sitemap-news/0.9"><url><loc>https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/pete-hegseths-zero-tolerance-for</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>The Borowitz Report</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-04-23T11:02:11+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Pete Hegseth’s Zero Tolerance for Competence</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/iran-warns-it-considers-having-to</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>The Borowitz Report</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-04-22T11:03:44+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Iran Warns It Considers Having to Spend More Time With JD Vance an Act of War</news:title></news:news></url></urlset>