<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><urlset xmlns="http://www.sitemaps.org/schemas/sitemap/0.9" xmlns:news="http://www.google.com/schemas/sitemap-news/0.9"><url><loc>https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/patel-hopes-to-look-sober-by-scheduling</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>The Borowitz Report</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-04-21T11:01:06+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Patel Hopes to Look Sober by Scheduling Joint Appearance With Hegseth</news:title></news:news></url><url><loc>https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/iran-says-hormuz-strait-will-close</loc><news:news><news:publication><news:name>The Borowitz Report</news:name><news:language>en</news:language></news:publication><news:publication_date>2026-04-20T11:03:38+00:00</news:publication_date><news:title>Iran Says Hormuz Strait Will Close Two Years for Renovations</news:title></news:news></url></urlset>