Americans Demand Breathalyzer Be Attached to Pete Hegseth’s Phone
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Amid the outcry over the leaking of top-secret war plans, on Monday millions of Americans called for a breathalyzer to be attached to Pete Hegseth’s phone.
In an emotional apology at the Pentagon, Hegseth said that someone in his position “should never drink and text, and so I am giving up textin…