The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

Americans Mystified Why Nonessential Federal Employee Still Has Job

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Andy Borowitz
Oct 13, 2025
∙ Paid
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the government shutdown drags on into its thirteenth day, Americans have become baffled as to why a totally nonessential federal employee still has his job.

Unlike thousands of workers at agencies like EPA and HUD who have been furloughed, the still-employed man serves no identifiable funct…

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