Betsy DeVos Calls For All Colleges and Universities to Be Closed Forever

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HOLLAND, MICHIGAN (The Borowitz Report)—Weighing in on the unrest roiling the nation’s campuses, on Monday Betsy DeVos called for all colleges and universities in the U.S. to be shut down forever.

“At institutions of so-called higher learning, students are exposed to books, ideas, and thinking,” the former…