Bezos Unable to Return Washington Post for Full Refund
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Jeff Bezos has desperately tried to return the Washington Post for a full refund without success, sources close to the Amazon chief confirmed on Monday.
Bezos, who purchased the Post for $250 million in 2013, was reportedly kept on hold with customer service for 45 minutes before a human was finally available to speak to him.
Unfortunately for Bezos, the customer service rep informed him that he had failed to check the newspaper’s return policy when he purchased it.
According to the rep, Bezos cannot return the Post because he bought it more than a hundred days ago and it is now in damaged condition.
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Poor Jeff! He probably didn’t save the original packaging either.
Is it true that JB heard the following recorded message when he called the Post?
"Please listen carefully because our new menu options and editorial policies are deranged. Press 1 to cancel your purchase of the Washington Post. Press 2 to trade the Washington Post for the LA Times. Press 3 to trade the Washington Post for the Morning Joe show and Press 4 to confess your journalistic sins to the spirits of Ben Bradlee and Katherine Graham. For all other options, please hang up and subscribe to TBR."