The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

Biden Offers to Pardon Commander if he Bites Kristi Noem

Dec 04, 2024
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Biden stirred controversy on Wednesday by offering his dog Commander a sweeping pardon in exchange for biting South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem.

“You’ll be a hero to dogs everywhere,” Biden told the German Shepherd. “Go for it, champ.”

Biden said he was unconcerned about any legal blowba…

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