DC Mayor Says Best Way for Trump to Empty Streets is by Throwing Another Birthday Parade

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA (The Borowitz Report)—The mayor of Washington DC suggested on Monday that the best way for Donald J. Trump to empty the streets of the nation’s capital would be to throw himself another birthday parade.

“You want to see people clear out?” Muriel Bowser said to reporters. “Get a bunch of those squeaky old tanks rolling down the street…