DC Residents Less Afraid of Homeless Than of Running into Stephen Miller
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Residents of Washington, DC are less afraid of the city’s homeless population than they are of accidentally running into Stephen Miller, according to a new poll released on Thursday.
When asked, “What do you fear most?,” 4 percent said, “the homeless,” while 87 percent said, “Being seated at a restaurant next to Stephen Miller.”
Describing her fear of encountering Miller, one poll respondent stated, “It’s the stuff of nightmares.”
In another finding, 67 percent said they feared being hit by a car driven by Pete Hegseth.
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And a whopping 98% said the person they would most like to be seated next to in a restaurant is Andy Borowitz.
Good one Andy. First thing I opened today was TBR and it always gets me ready for the fight. It never occurred to me that they would let Hegseth drive a car. Miller is the stuff of nightmares for sure.