306 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

If you take all of Ghislaine’s interview at face value Epstein was basically running a convent

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Cindy La Ferle's avatar

Ah yes, and Trump is such an inspiration to the "Christian Right" !!

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Erik Staub's avatar

yes fake and greedy Christians

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Stan Duffner's avatar

I think the only people jesus didn't like were the greedy money changers so I guess he would hate the entire current administration

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B Steele's avatar

Cadet Bone Spurs knows that Pilates killed Jesus!

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Bobbie75's avatar

I know it is a silly autocorrect, but my first silly response was that I am glad I don’t do Pilates.

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B Steele's avatar

No that is not autocorrect. It was a joke from the Canadian Comedy series, "Corner Gas." I did it to highlight both Trump's stupidity and inability to spell anything correctly.

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Betty Miller's avatar

I don’t know many Bible verses, but it is cited several times in the New Testament (Mark 10:25 - and I’m paraphrasing) that it’s easier for a CAMEL to pass through the eye of a NEEDLE than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of GOD.🐪🐪🐪

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Kandy Brown's avatar

You got it right!

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Kandy Brown's avatar

He also loathed the hypocrites!

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Bobbie75's avatar

My favorite is Matthew 25. Especially the warning half if you treat them poorly.

Every starving child, every locked up immigrant, every person denied food or health care … is Jesus.

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Italien's avatar

This TBR report for the win!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Maybe her cataracts were too advanced! 😂😏

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David Gardiner's avatar

An extremely rare affliction referred to as "Rose colored cataracts."

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Stan Duffner's avatar

"christian wrong"

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Kandy Brown's avatar

How "right" you are!

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Margaret Zwald's avatar

makes me wonder if they ever read any spiritual texts?

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Kathy Lee Davis's avatar

That's a good one

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Roberta Ransley-Matteau's avatar

Father Jeffrey Epstein and Sister Ghislaine.

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Marmo's avatar

Interestingly, Roberta R-M, you nailed it. That is exactly how Epstein and Ghislaine presented themselves to gain the trust of their prey. Just an exciting sister introducing those young girls to a jolly older man who is going to teach them new skills, like a good father.

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Roberta Ransley-Matteau's avatar

Thank you. They acted like nothing really happened and were innocent of everything.

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It's Come To This's avatar

I watched a snippet of the prosecutor's questioning him at his trial. Oleagenous, super-prepped, predatory, ruthless -- only a few of the adjectives that came to mind. Shudder to think how he and Lady Macbeth must have rehearsed their lines to snag young, trusting, dazzled girls.

Anybody who associated with that super creep needs to be in psychoanalysis. Top of that list was You Know Who. Scumbags hanging with other scumbags.

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Susie's avatar

Oleagenous wins the Internet today!!! Sssoooooo perfect a descriptor. Brilliant!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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Roberta Ransley-Matteau's avatar

I may have seen the same video you did because he came across as totally indifferent and looking bored. In the end he paid dearly for what he did.

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It's Come To This's avatar

The "banality of evil" indeed.

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Glenn Sills's avatar

Speaker Mike Johnson will tell you this is true. Rich people have bought the government and he knows they never do anything wrong.

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L B Rose's avatar

Yes. Rich people are pure and they model themselves after...which Biblical character? Certainly not like the carpenter guy who fed the poor or some such nonsense....

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Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

They worship hot, white Jesus, not the original brown skinned guy with the schnoz. As Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

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Kandy Brown's avatar

I knew I liked something about Gandhi. I like honest people.

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Marjorie's avatar

The "Christians" feel the carpenter guy is way too woke.

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

And he hung out with 12 men, so he was probably gay, too.

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geraldinemellon's avatar

Well, he had a strong friendship with Mary Magdalene who was NOT a fallen woman. And, according to gnostic gospels, the relationship was NOT platonic! This really made the disciples jealous and mad. They got even, though, by ruining her reputation in their writings. (Sounds about right to me.)

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David Gardiner's avatar

Forgive me , Father for here's another million.

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Bobbie75's avatar

And the very worthy men who visited were all there to promote their charities.

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misia.d's avatar

Such a mix-up!

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Paul Snyderman's avatar

I think you meant "Nonery"? As in "None of that stuff happened."

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

🤣🙃

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Was the convent next to "Our Lady of the Evening" church and brothel?

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Catherine Schmidt's avatar

Aaron Parnas had an interview with Jess Michaels, an Epstein survivor. A very intelligent woman who accurately pointed out that Ghislane used her little feminine victim voice in an act of outrageous and insulting manipulation during her interview.

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It's Come To This's avatar

The Underage Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

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Paul Kuzel's avatar

That would make Ghislaine The Flying Nun!

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Susan Stone's avatar

Sounds more like the Lying Nun to me…

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Susan Barnes's avatar

For blind and deaf children.

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Mary K's avatar

And now Ghislaine's running around in a relative country club thanks to her performance. I wonder if she ever choked during that interview.

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Katherine Forsythe's avatar

Omg Andy, you are hilarious. You absolutely make my mornings getting ready for work. Can’t tell you the number of times I’ve choked on my coffee and nearly spewed it across the room when I’ve read one of your outrageously funny headlines. Then, I forward it to everyone I can think of! Thank you for keeping the laughing hormones active and saving our souls in this time of extreme rough sledding!

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Erik Staub's avatar

brilliant

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P J Johnston's avatar

Good one Andy!

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Sharon Herrick's avatar

Perfect analysis.

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misia.d's avatar

A 15th century Venetian convent.

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T Madsen's avatar

Listen to his victims not his co- conspirators

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Franca Garofalo's avatar

So sad. And I think of all victims of sexual abuse and how it must hurt to see these despicable perverts given honor and power.

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Wis's avatar

YES!!

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Marjorie's avatar

Very well said. I'm thinking of a t-shirt or bumper sticker or a tattoo.

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T Madsen's avatar

All of the above… tattoo optional ☺️

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Mscreant's avatar

Wish I could upvoter this 💯!

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alex birman's avatar

Anyone who believes one word emanating from that sex offender's mouth, can break a record for gullibility.

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MLK's avatar

Maxwell's motto: "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Do evil isnt in that list, so...."

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Gary Farrar's avatar

I have to admit that's the first thing I thought when I read what she said. Thanks Andy, for hitting the nail on the head. A convicted sex offender saying another convicted sex offender didn't act inappropriately.

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Marmo's avatar

Ah - Gary Farrar - you nailed it. As a sex offender, Maxwell would not think that Dump molesting females is inappropriate. So, Dump did not act inappropriate FOR A SEX OFFENDER. And Dump acted like a perfect SEX OFFENDER gentleman. So, she was telling the truth after all - she just left out some of the necessary words.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

EXACTLY that.

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Robert E.'s avatar

Like SEX DEFENDER, for instance.

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

ONG! This ABSURDITY is of course PERFECT for Monday. I predict when finally the true patriots in the United States of America finally depose this fascist regime, conduct trials for treason, and re-establish this democratic republic, the word "trump" will not even be acceptable to utter when playing Bridge! And for anything bogus? No longer "trumped up", but what it is truly--f***ed up!

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Annette's avatar

I'd like to see severe penalties for those who utter, "weave." "covfefe," "Nambia," and "Sir" and phrases like, "like no one has ever seen," "concepts of a plan," and "two weeks." Yes, it will be a little restrictive for some, but the effort will be worth it.

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Kim D's avatar

Just don't let him stop bleating. It's just too funny. “I have a Consultational Right to appoint Judges and U.S. Attorneys," he posted last night.

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Jocelyn B's avatar

Another one for the ages 😾

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Joan Eva Renshaw's avatar

Really!

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B Dodson's avatar

Don't forget "some people are saying.....".

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Franca Garofalo's avatar

“They’re begging me…”

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Christina Ansari's avatar

You forgot, "with tears in their eyes"!

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marlyg's avatar

Don't forget, "i know more about (insert whatever the topic is) than almost anyone does"

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B Dodson's avatar

I have the biggest brain. Just the smallest penis. (Which may be the root of his seeking attention issues.) I think it's called penis insufficiency.

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Toddy McClain's avatar

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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MLK's avatar

And don't forget, "many people say so" except when it follows "Trump is a felon and sex offender" and Ghislaine Maxwell is a child sex trafficker, child sex abuser, and perjurer."

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Margaret Zwald's avatar

Good thing I no longer play bridge. LOL

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Wis's avatar

😅. I was just talking to a friend about this yesterday, Margaret! There needs to be a new word for “trump” when used in its intended context.

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Susan Russell's avatar

I suggest when playing bridge we use the term “I biden one no trump”.

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Wis's avatar

I like it, Susan! 👍

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Margaret Zwald's avatar

I was thinking about relearning bridge so I might have to use this one.

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Annette's avatar

I can think of a few words, but none of them are nice

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

That's how you know you're on to something.

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Elizabeth Greenlee's avatar

Agree. I don't play bridge but euchre occasionally. The last time I played we agreed to use "biden" in place of "t---p." See, I can't even say the latter. Will go down in history as an obscene epithet. What's a good synonym?

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

schmuck

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

😅😅😅

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Wendy S Morris's avatar

All the co-conspirators (including ICE) should be put on trial - we need to remember that the Mossad is still looking for the Nazis and Republicans should remember that!

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Christina Ansari's avatar

Israel has its own Nazis in its government. There is honour among thieves, or, as it says in German, "A raven does not pick out another raven's eyes".

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Chris Edwards's avatar

Laura Loomer said that Trump is an “honorable person”. Good enough for me!

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Annette's avatar

I think she meant "horrible" (pronounced just like he does).

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Ellen Harris's avatar

🤣😂🙃

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Terri Smith's avatar

She got moved to a cushy prison in Texas for her lying. Scum knows fellow scum.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

And defends fellow scum, especially when scum B has the goods on scum A.

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Stephanie's avatar

Did anyone ask her to define what "inappropriately" means? Apparently she has her own warped meaning.

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Billsburg's avatar

That’s what I’ve been saying but have decided I don’t want or need to know her definition of “inappropriate”.

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Annette's avatar

knowing her definition might keep you up at night, trying to sleep with the lights on

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Billsburg's avatar

This sounds weird but hearing her voice during those interviews really gave me the heebie jeebies. It's very understandable how impressionable, naive, somewhat lost young girls got lulled into that world just based on her voice and accent alone.

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Annette's avatar

I agree, Billsburg . . . it was a luring and almost hypnotic voice . . . those poor children. :(

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Reminds me of Michael Jackson feminizing and pixie-ing his face and using that light soft sweet voice to seem youthful and nonthreatening to snare young victims. Except Michael really was a mess, very psychologically screwed up - I honestly think he saw himself the way he made himself (explains, not excuses). But Ghislaine was an intentionally evil seductive spider (no offense to spiders - ah, you know what I mean!).

One more note on Ghislaine: I think she was in love with Epstein - Have you seen pics of those two? How adoringly she looks at him? blech blech blech - but couldn't have him cuz she was too damn old. So she partnered with him to serve him and be indispensable to him to be with him. blech blech blech

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Susan Stone's avatar

I keep hearing that she was his girlfriend for years. Agree completely with your "blech blech blech". I have a hard time looking at the man.

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

She has no idea of what "inappropriate" behavior is. I wonder, what were her parents like? Did she have a Nanny? Did she go to boarding school? Where did she learn that what she did was "normal"?

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Billsburg's avatar

Her background, family and father are/were....interesting.

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I bet they were "interesting". What I know about sexual abuse is that it is a learned behavior.

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Susan Stone's avatar

It is a learned behavior that is passed down through families. I unfortunately know that from experience. I admire the victims who have been able to speak out, because one of the things you learn is that awful things will happen to you if you say anything (maybe that only works with small children?).

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Not only do victims need to speak out, but they need to be believed. Next step is to lock up the predators. Preferably for life. 20 years for Maxwell, now in a country club prison, is not nearly enough for what she did.

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Lee Roscoe's avatar

Her father was a major play and monster, Robert Maxwell. Look him up.

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Emily Gallagher's avatar

I don’t know much but I believe she attended an elite boarding school, then Oxford university.

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Joan Eva Renshaw's avatar

That comment is steeped in?

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Mary E's avatar

Thank you, Andy, I can’t stop laughing!

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Glenn Ellen Stilling's avatar

And the same from me!

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Bob's avatar

Did they give her an eye test?

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Jim Carmichael's avatar

What a wonderful way to start the week, with the truth!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

This is the Home of Truth

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Maureen's avatar

Yes it is! And we look forward to it every day, and we depend on it! You don’t know how much you help us Andy. Thank you. 🙌

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Susan Barnes's avatar

It’s the reason I get up.

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EJN's avatar

Without a modicum of fake gold leaf in sight…thanks Andy!

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Phyllis RP Tessieri's avatar

Everyone needs to start their day with Andy Borowitz!

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Marmo's avatar

That's exactly what I keep telling everyone, Phyllis RP Tessieri!

When my friends and family tell me how depressed they are, I tell them that a subscription to TBR will help them more than they can imagine. Andy saves sanity - I know he's saved mine.

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Ada Fuller's avatar

I’m so jealous. I wish I had never seen Trump do anything inappropriate, or really had ever seen him at all.

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Susie's avatar

Hear hear!!! 👏🏻🤣👏🏻

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

Don’t listen to what Ghislaine says bring in her victims and review their testimony. She is a repeated perjurer which means liar. Kind of like Trump’s IKEA Cabinet!

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Janeo's avatar

Virginia Giùffrey's autobiography is coming out posthumously in October. The Epstein Files will not be forgotten soon.

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misia.d's avatar
7hEdited

Heartbreaking. She travelled a difficult lane from his golf spa.

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Scott's avatar

Who would have thought guile, flattery, and opportunism would replace tunneling and hacksaws to escape from prison ? Prison librarians everywhere are inundated with requests for books like "The Art of Manipulating a Narcissist."

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Annette's avatar

I've heard its a short read :)

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Kent Olsen's avatar

Ghislaine Maxwell must certainly have different standards for what is appropriate...

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Brenda Reiss's avatar

Like no standards

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