Greenland Rejects Trump’s Offer to Trade JD Vance for Rare Earth Minerals
GREENLAND (The Borowitz Report)—On Thursday the government of Greenland flatly rejected Donald J. Trump’s offer to trade Vice President JD Vance for a stake in the island’s rare earth minerals.
In a strongly worded rebuke, government spokesman Hartvig Dorkelson declared, “Greenland will consider any attempt to transfer ownership of JD Vance to this island to be an act of war.”
Greenland’s statement drew an impassioned response from the VP’s wife, Usha Vance, who urged the island’s government to reconsider Trump’s offer.
“I strongly recommend that you agree to this deal,” she said. “We’re not even insisting on the minerals part.”
TBR Question of the Deal: Where would you like JD Vance to be sent? Leave your answer below:
How to be Happy: Wisdom From Susie Essman
You know Susie Essman as the beloved comedian from Curb Your Enthusiasm. But did you know that she is also my favorite philosopher? I interviewed her for my show and she had fantastic advice for finding joy amid the current nightmare. You can watch the interview here.
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El Salvador prison in a plane that does not abide by judicial decisions
The Highway to Hell.