The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

Greenland Suggests Trump Acquire Epstein’s Island Instead

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Andy Borowitz
Jan 15, 2026
∙ Paid
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a counterproposal designed to ease tensions with the United States, on Thursday Greenland suggested that Donald J. Trump acquire Jeffrey Epstein’s island instead.

“President Trump has no roots on our island,” Greenlandic government spokesman Hartvig Dorkelson said. “Epstein’s island, on the…

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