Guardrail Protecting Democracy Turns out to be Venmo

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—After worrying that there would be no limits on Donald J. Trump’s presidential power, on Thursday experts agreed that a robust guardrail does in fact exist: Venmo.

According to the constitutional law scholar Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, “The framers of the Constitution could not have envisioned this, but our nation’s most powerful protection against tyranny is an app.”

“While Republicans in Congress and on the Supreme Court cower at Trump’s feet, Venmo knows no fear,” he said.

Logsdon added that today’s developments should also send a strong message to the nation’s business leaders, noting, “Venmo has more balls than Jeff Bezos.”

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