Hegseth Arrested for DUI After Crashing Tank Into Pentagon
ARLINGTON, VA (The Borowitz Report)—Pete Hegseth’s tenure as Secretary of Defense got off to a wobbly start on Monday after he was arrested on suspicion of DUI for crashing an M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank into the Pentagon.
The arresting officer, Harland Dorrinson, arrived at the Pentagon shortly after receiving reports of a large battle tank making figure 8s in the parking lot.
Finding the smoldering Abrams protruding from the side of the building, Dorrinson said that Hegseth was “extremely combative when I asked him to step out of the tank.”
Hegseth was later booked, released, and driven home by Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.
TBR Question of the Day: What would be a more appropriate job for Pete Hegseth? Leave your comment below:
Survive the Next 4 Years: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.
You have no idea how disappointed I was to realize this was one of your joke posts. That would have made my day!!!😉
Pete could reprise the old Miller High Life TV ads with Brett. Their debates about the beer tasting great or being less filling would captivate maga-philes nationwide. 🍺🍺