Hegseth Arrested for DUI After Crashing Tank Into Pentagon
ARLINGTON, VA (The Borowitz Report)—Pete Hegseth’s tenure as Secretary of Defense got off to a wobbly start on Monday after he was arrested on suspicion of DUI for crashing an M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank into the Pentagon.
The arresting officer, Harland Dorrinson, arrived at the Pentagon shortly after receiving reports of a lar…