The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

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The Borowitz Report
Hegseth Offers to Connect Breathalyzer to Nuclear Arsenal
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Hegseth Offers to Connect Breathalyzer to Nuclear Arsenal

Dec 13, 2024
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The Borowitz Report
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Hegseth Offers to Connect Breathalyzer to Nuclear Arsenal
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Samuel Corum/Getty Images

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a bid to reassure the nation, Pete Hegseth said on Friday that, if he is confirmed as Secretary of Defense, he will connect a breathalyzer device to the nation’s nuclear arsenal.

“There are these things that you blow into that attach to the ignition of your car,” he told reporters. “I would get…

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