Hegseth Offers to Connect Breathalyzer to Nuclear Arsenal
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a bid to reassure the nation, Pete Hegseth said on Friday that, if he is confirmed as Secretary of Defense, he will connect a breathalyzer device to the nation’s nuclear arsenal.
“There are these things that you blow into that attach to the ignition of your car,” he told reporters. “I would get…