154 Comments
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JeffJ's avatar

It’s time to give Hegseth a three hour tour = of the Bermuda Triangle.

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

let's send the entire regime there

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Corlis Robe's avatar

Someone should tell Trump there's an Island Peace Prize to be had there?

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Christina Johnson's avatar

The Trumpinistas are already going to hell. We just wish it would happen more quickly.

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Suzi Harkey's avatar

Perfect start to my day! You nailed it again! And, as always, so true!

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Kristine Engstrom's avatar

Like always, you lightened the load on my heavy heart! Thank you Andy! You are such a clever man!!!

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Ginger's avatar

heavy heart indeed... every day he gives it a lift as do our amazing commentators

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Marilyn Jackson's avatar

Ginger! OMG, one of the narco-terrorists is here in our group! Hurry, Pete. No time for makeup this morning.

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Ginger's avatar

You have no idea how I have spent my life with the constant question "where is Maryanne?" I know you won't believe this but I actually & honestly changed my last name because it was "grant".. I'm a 79yo! hippie nonna/gramma..

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Phil M.'s avatar

Marilyn? OMG, did you change your name from "Maryanne"? Pete! Pete! Here's another one!....

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Marilyn Jackson's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

👍

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Thanks for jump starting my Monday! After watching Tom Cotton angling for the DoD job just now, it’s good to know someone else can step up to the job of gaslighting America. Although he def needs make up tips.

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Cotton is the worst. I’m dealing with him tomorrow. Stay tuned.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Fucking Uriah Heep right out of Dickens....LOATHE him....

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Alas there are many Heeps in this maladministration . . .

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Christina Johnson's avatar

Thank you!!! You nailed what Cotton is!

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David T Moran's avatar

Age showist if you remember Uriah Heep!!

Most of that time frame is a little foggy to me.

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Chris Pope's avatar

How could you possibly choose. It's like looking at a bucket full of worms and picking out the slimiest.

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Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Good. Can’t wait.

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Thank you Andy for the heads up! I look forward to it

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Mary kier's avatar

Yay!

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Laura Cheek's avatar

I’m not sure anymore who’s the worst, there’s so many!

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Finn Frock's avatar

“I wish Cotton was a monkey.”

Little Rascals series, 1958.

(black and white TV series).

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Annette's avatar

he is . . . an anorexic baboon

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Jill's avatar

Can't wait!

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Chester's avatar

Cottonmouth.

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HAB's avatar

Damn it all! Now I have the song "Anticipation" going through my head and I always hated that song@

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Oh, can't wait to hear about Cotton from Andy. As always, the report will be the TRUTH!

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Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

Whenever I see Cotton on T.V., I have an overwhelming urge to slap him upside the head.

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Bill Alstrom (MA/Maine/MA)'s avatar

Well, Cotton CAN run when he needs to.

But who will be out the door first? Kegsbreath or the Puppy Killer?

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Peter Scott's avatar

Tom Cotton; body double for Gomer Pyle.

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Jean E Hayes's avatar

All you have to know about Tom Cotton can be seen in his shifty eyes. Gaslighting is his specialty.

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Annette's avatar

and a pocket square

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Seattle Mom's avatar

I’ve always been suspicious of this lot. How did such a disparate group

ever get on the same tour? And why TF couldn’t the professor get them out of

there ? FAKE NEWS!

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

I once heard a standup comic observe “the professor could rig a telegraph out of bamboo and send messages to Australia, but he couldn’t fix a one foot hole in the boat.

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Mary kier's avatar

Oh my gosh! I must have laughed a good couple minutes ..Thank you, Andy! If I don't laugh I will get anxious. You are making us all a bit more healthy with the laughter you give. And right now, we need to stay as healthy as possible, considering the imminent state of our "no health care".

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

But Thurston and Lovey Howell could have afforded to pay for a pardon.

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Victoria Phillips's avatar

Brilliant observation.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Brilliant! It's about time Gilligan gets it right in the kisser. Take that for waving a white flag, Marianne!

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Annette's avatar

don't forget Mrs. Howell, as I'm sure she wore white after Labor Day!

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Thomas Taylor's avatar

Wait until Pete hears about the three boats with Hispanic names moving undocumented immigrants to the Americas. The Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria are commanded by an infamous narco-terrorist from the Colombo cartel, and are threatening the purity of American bloodlines.

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Erik Staub's avatar

Too bad Columbus and his ships weren’t destroyed by Hurricanes or violent seas. Just ask the indigenous people of the Americas.

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Next target: Those suspicious characters on the so-called Love Boat . . .

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Annette's avatar

excellent point!

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Erik Bruun's avatar

This couldn't possibly be true. They are all white!

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nacreplus2's avatar

After the publication of Russia's "National Security Strategy" for America, I think we'd be safer with this crew steering the ship of state! Thanks, as always, for the great laugh and cheer, Andy!

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Lucy Conner's avatar

😂🤣😂 Thank you as always, Andy, for a great laugh relief to start the week!

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Laura Petasnick's avatar

Hysterical! Starting my day with a little humor is a must and seeing Gilligan and crew cracked me up :-).

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Susan Gilbert-Collins's avatar

Hegseth's not wrong! With all the coconut technology employed by the Professor, he could definitely be running a fentanyl lab. Probably meth too.

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J Cheng's avatar

the boat was made of solid heroin - that's how they smuggled the drugs

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Susan Gilbert-Collins's avatar

Well obviously.

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

😂😂😂Monday morning in my Michigan village where it is 3° and feels like -4! So it is getting close to hell freezing over. Needed a laugh as I put another log on the fire.

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patricia swann's avatar

Curse you Andy Borowitz!

Now I will be replaying the theme from Gilligan's Island in my head for the next several hours

;-)

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

“A three hour tour, a three hour tour…”

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Mark Lip's avatar

In the spirit of Alice's restaurant, maybe if one person a day hums that tune on a right wing call-in show and hangs up we can start a movement.

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Annette's avatar

omg, I LOVE that idea . . . "You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant, Excepting Alice . . ."

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

😝😝😝

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Annette's avatar

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful ship . . ." (yep, I have that ear worm too!)

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