The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

How to Identify Fugitive Democrats

By Texas Governor Greg Abbott

Aug 04, 2025
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Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call

My fellow Americans:

As you may know, 51 cowardly Democrat legislators are on the run from Texas. They are shirking their duty to rid our glorious state of the representative government that has plagued us for far too long.

These Democrats could be anywhere. They could be in your town. They could be hiding under your bed. More likel…

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