NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The Guinness Book of World Records announced on Wednesday that the former president of Venezuela, Hugo Chávez, has lost his distinction for making the most batshit speech to the United Nations General Assembly.
“In 2006, when Chávez referred to George W. Bush as the Devil and said, ‘This rostrum still smells like sulfur,’ most of us thought his record for making the most crazy-ass UN speech would stand for generations,” Guinness spokesperson Harland Dorrinson said. “We never saw this coming.”
In an official statement, the Hugo Chávez Memorial Society, based in Caracas, was philosophical about the Venezuelan’s wackadoodle utterances being bested by a new champion.
“Hugo himself would have been in awe of yesterday’s performance,” the statement read. “He said a lot of bonkers shit back in 2006, but he never exploded with rage about an escalator.”
I think Hugo would agree he was no match.
As a public service, someone with your level of insight and inanity needs to develop a Batshit Crazy Scale, as the number and variety of utterings to be graded are quickly spiraling out of control.