MEMPHIS (The Borowitz Report)—Abandoning their customary black vests and masks, ICE agents have gone undercover in Memphis, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem confirmed on Wednesday.
Noem defended her department’s expenditure of $85,000 to outfit the agents in sequined jumpsuits, arguing that such a disguise was necessary for ICE to blend into the population inconspicuously.
Issuing a stern warning to the city of Memphis, Noem declared, “If I see something that appears to be nothing but a hound dog, I will shoot it.”
Read: Memo to Donald Trump
Well, my hands are shaky, and my knees are weak
I can't seem to stand on my own two feet
Who do you thank when you have such luck?
I'm in love, I'm all shook up
Mm, ooh, yeah, yeah-yay
Fell off my chair laughing at this😂😂. Ice unmasked in Memphis!