WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Amid the chaos of his first days in office, on Thursday Donald J. Trump accidentally signed an executive order deporting himself to Panama.
Elon Musk reassured reporters that Trump’s imminent departure to the Central American nation would have “no effect whatsoever” on the running of the White House, adding, “I got this.”
But news of Trump’s deportation drew an angry response from Panama's President Jose Raul Mulino, who accused the U.S. of “trying to offload felons to our shores.”
“This will not stand,” Mulino said. “We will consider any attempt to relocate Donald Trump to Panama an act of war.”
Guantanamo.
An investigation by reporter Harland Dorrinson revealed that White House aide Stephen Himmler (oops--Miller) slipped the deportation order into the pile of papers the Orange Felon likes to use to practice his signature, knowing that not only is he uninterested in reading any of the executive orders he has signed, he actually cannot read. When asked why, Himmler/Miller said "I take my orders from the voices in my head that appear to be members of the German authorities from the late 1930s and early 1940s. They speak to me all the time . . ."