Iran Agrees to End War in Exchange for Never Having to Talk to JD Vance Again
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As part of its framework deal with the US, on Monday the Islamic Republic of Iran agreed to cease all hostilities in exchange for never having to talk to Vice President JD Vance again.
Under terms of the agreement, Vance must remain out of the Iranians’ earshot for a minimum of 30 years, with his exact location subject to periodic inspections.
“All the bombs we dropped on those crazy bastards couldn’t do what the sound of JD’s voice did,” Donald J. Trump said. “I’m thinking of sending him to Cuba next.”
The agreement drew strong praise from a range of Washington insiders, including Second Lady Usha Vance, who asked, “How do I get that deal?”
Who else wants that deal? And I would throw in never hearing Hegseth’s voice again, but maybe I’m being greedy.
Since Rubio doesn't have a voice, Vance was the perfect negotiating piece.