167 Comments
User's avatar
Larry Caringer's avatar

Best quote ever: “The whole world knows you lost, moron,” the official Iranian statement read. “Stop being such a fucking baby.”

LiverpoolFCfan's avatar

It's everyone's favorite fantasy. Trump being forced to acknowledge the truth. I'm sure such an extreme strain would cause his brain to explode.

And that's not necessarily a bad outcome.

Lori Brooks's avatar

Would be a teeny tiny explosion

Roland Saeger's avatar

The bigger explosion would be when he soiled his diaper.

Carla Spackler's avatar

To paraphrase Rodney Dangerfield in Caddy Shack, “it would be a popcorn fart.”

Annette's avatar

like a baby fart

Robert E.'s avatar

A less than bigly SBD.

Christina Johnson's avatar

What brain? He’s one of the medical mysteries: having lived this long without a BRAIN!

Enid's avatar

What brain?

Double-A's avatar

He should be put under oath while president or after he's out of office

Beryl's avatar

The whole thing is quotable.

matclone's avatar

Agree. Andy nailed it. However, I'm not certain Iran's offer would pacify Trump. He's had plenty of time to grow into the office. Never has. Maybe the Adult Society (or like organization) should give him an award as The World's Biggest Fucking Baby. He likes awards. A bronzed diaper might be fitting.

Frances López's avatar

An abstract rendering of a diaper, given a foreign name, might be acceptable to the BIG BABY. An artistic pacifier might be acceptable, too. Apparently the Moron likes nipples.

Enid's avatar

Bronze Diaper! Perfect…though he’d only be happy with gold.

Mike Hammer's avatar

Hegseth first met with Trump and explained it’s a great idea as he confuses the Strait of Hormuz is “straight up vermouth”.

Elizabeth Block's avatar

This would be funnier if Trump were a drinker. He doesn't drink. He can't blame his lack of intellectual acuity on alcohol.

It's Come To This's avatar

Now that deserves an honorable mention somewhere...

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Good morning, TBR community! Please post your questions and I will get to as many as I can! Thank you.

matclone's avatar
1hEdited

Does your book address Trump's obvious lack of education or incongruity with his degree?

Pat Ebervein's avatar

If you had to write it all over again, who would you add to the lineup? (P.S. I only have the "before" version so I'm going to have to cheat and read the afterword at the library or the bookstore!)

Phil M.'s avatar

With all the banned books, redacted files, and rewritten history. Would there be any real books left to put in Trumps presidential library?

Elizabeth Greenlee's avatar

Isn't "Trump's presidential library" an oxymoron?

David A L's avatar

Here's a great conspiracy theory: Trump won in 2024 because Iran hacked the voting machines. Iran's IRGC stated "We wanted an idiot who would destroy America from the inside - man, did we nail it."

Linda MacDonald's avatar

Remember. Iran is allied with putin and xi. So IRPG had plenty of support.

John Maton's avatar

I thought Iran was gong to release the Epstein Files. What happened?

AlAck!'s avatar

EVERYONE who has stood in the way of releasing the Epstein FIles is IN them!

Enid's avatar

Brilliant!!

Dr Marlene Snyder's avatar

Just a complete belly laugh this morning!! You are in top form. Thank you!!

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

I would love it if Iran published a written statement saying all of that and the WSJ headlined the same. His head might explode. 🤞🏼

T L Mills's avatar

More likely it would release a flood of self-pity like the world has never seen.

Beth B's avatar

Or leak out all the worm-eaten orange goo

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂The Iranians have outfoxed Trump! Andy, I have found your satire razor sharp and mischievous but always tempered with geniality and a sunny Candide like optimism! Since Profiles was published the Ignorance ( performative or congenital) of our politicians has taken a sinister turn. Has your own satirical vision darkened? You are shy about your creative process! How? When? and Where? do you like to write ? 😉Inquiring minds want to know ! That said, I hope you will continue to write for a long time . You are a national treasure! 😉❤️

Annette's avatar

well said, Pradnya, and I could not agree more!

Irna Gadd's avatar

My question: how are Cookie and Mousse? Are there any new photos of them you can share? Give them extra love from me, please.

Vicky McKinley's avatar

One of your best! Priceless.

Paul's avatar

You out did yourself today.

Irna Gadd's avatar

“The whole world knows you lost, moron. . . Stop being such a fucking baby.” — this proves, to anyone who might still doubt that you always tell the truth, Andy, that you ALWAYS tell the truth! That second paragraph is killer, and the headline itself is what I wish the Iranians would actually say. The two other conditions they ask for I could live without, but my opinion doesn’t matter to the Iranians. Of course Trump‘s vanity and narcissism would prevent him from accepting the deal.

Rolinda Carrington's avatar

Thank you for the laughs today! Spot on 😆

John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

Went to buy a signed copy of the book in Princeton but the line was way too long! When is your next talk and will Ms. E. Jean Carroll be interviewing you this time? You would sell out Radio City with that one. With youth.

Gjay15's avatar

Ms.E. Jean Carroll, the one person who brought that sob to his knees whether he knows it or not. And she’s shown to us what most seven year old boys know, that girls are clever and tough.

EB's avatar

When are you coming back to Princeton, Andy? Your interviews at McCarter Theater are always brilliant and engaging.

Toddy McClain's avatar

Do any of your dogs do the following: arise from a sound sleep on the floor, walk a few, slow steps, collapse on the ground, and fall back asleep immediately. If so, why?

GingerLee's avatar

Damn perfect no mincing of words just the Strait Truth... if only...

Enid's avatar

STRAIT truth…perfect!!!