JD Vance Freaks Out After Tariffs Hike Price of Eyeliner

Drew Angerer/Getty Images

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest illustration of the tensions roiling the White House, on Tuesday JD Vance reportedly “blew his stack” when he learned that newly instituted tariffs had sent the price of his favorite eyeliner brand soaring.

According to sources, Vance demanded a meeting with Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick upon discovering that the price of his go-to beauty product, Shanghai Smokeshow, had quadrupled.

The meeting, however, did not achieve its desired result, as a tearful Vance emerged from it with black streaks staining his cheeks.

In a further sign of trouble, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has threatened to resign over the sky-high tariffs slapped on Botox and hair extensions.

TBR Question: What are some other favorite products of Trump officials that could be impacted by tariffs?

Now More Than Ever: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.