JD Vance Grateful not to be the one who Royally Fucked up for a Change

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PHILADELPHIA (The Borowitz Report)—Professing himself “super-relieved,” JD Vance said on Wednesday morning that he was “deeply grateful” not to be the one who royally fucked up for a change.

“After weeks of shitting the bed, let me just say I’m glad it was someone else’s turn,” Vance told reporters. “I really needed a break like t…