JD Vance Responds to Mark Robinson News by Clearing his Search History

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MILWAUKEE (The Borowitz Report)—In the wake of Thursday’s explosive revelations about North Carolina gubernatorial nominee Mark Robinson, JD Vance abruptly cancelled his entire campaign schedule in order to clear his search history.

“All the blood drained from his face,” said an aide who was with Vance when he heard the Robinson news. “I haven’t seen him that panicked since he was asked to choose a donut.”

The campaign tried to project an air of normalcy, particularly after Vance was spotted in a Denny’s parking lot smashing his laptop with a hammer.

But the aide said that the history-clearing episode has left Vance’s staff “rattled,” adding, “It’s creeping us out to think he might be even weirder than we already know.”

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The End of Trump: A TBR Exclusive

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Rep. Adam Schiff predicts how our national nightmare will come to an end this November. Get the interview here.

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Lock up Your Pets: It’s Kristi Noem!

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Pets are safe in Springfield, Ohio, but not on Kristi Noem’s farm! Read TBR’s deep dive into the terrifying governor of South Dakota here.

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Trump Cognitive Test

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To assess Donald J. Trump’s severe mental decline, TBR is urging him to take this test.