JD Vance Seething With Jealousy After Trump Starts Seeing Other Weirdo
JD Vance Seething With Jealousy After Trump Starts Seeing Other Weirdo
ALEXANDRIA, VA (The Borowitz Report)—Sen. JD Vance has been “seething with jealousy” after witnessing Donald J. Trump embrace another weirdo, a source close to the vice-presidential nominee reported on Thursday.
According to the source, Vance “threw a Diet Mountain Dew at the TV” last week when he saw a clearly smitten Trump canoodling with another freak at a rally in Arizona.
“It looks like he’s moved on to a new whack job,” a disconsolate Vance told the source. “I thought we had something special.”
The source said Vance was “at a loss” as to how he could win back Trump’s heart from such a formidable crackpot.
“How can I compete with a brain worm, a dead bear, and a severed whale head?” he reportedly asked. “Maybe I really should have sex with a couch.”
Worm Leaves Scathing Yelp Review of RFK Jr.’s Brain
TBR Exclusive: JD Vance’s New Name
Trump’s Mental Decline: Watch the Interview Here
Good morning, TBers! Let's help JD out here: How can he recapture DJT's affections?
That's a whale of a story Andy, an un bear able loss for Justa Dick, now that the donOld has been seen publicly worming around with an older man. "At least my couch is loyal"