JD Vance to Represent Satan at Pope's Funeral
VATICAN CITY (The Borowitz Report)—JD Vance will represent Satan at Pope Francis’s funeral this weekend, the Devil confirmed on Thursday.
In a rare public statement, the Prince of Darkness said that he could not attend the funeral himself because it conflicts with a Tesla board meeting.
Explaining his choice of Vance, Beelzebub said, “If you can’t have me, JD is the next best thing.”
But longtime Vatican-watcher Harland Dorrinson criticized Satan’s decision to send Vance, noting, “With Trump in attendance, this seems like overkill.”
TBR Question of the Day: If JD is unavailable, who else could Satan send?
Support Independent Media: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.
Stephen Miller seems sufficiently well credentialed to deputise for the guy with the horns and the cape.
Obvious choice: Marjorie Taylor Greene.