Jimmy Carter Says Best Part of Heaven is He Will Never See Trump
HEAVEN (The Borowitz Report)—In a wide-ranging interview on Thursday, former President Jimmy Carter said that the best part of Heaven “by far” is the knowledge that he will never see Donald J. Trump again.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for the gift of eternal life,” he said. “But an eternity without Trump is the greatest gift of all.”
Carter said that he was “far from alone” in appreciating his Trump-free existence, adding, “Nelson Mandela just said the same thing.”
Asked if he had seen Trump on cable news criticizing his sale of the Panama Canal, Carter responded, “We don’t have cable news up here. I’ve heard it’s on nonstop in the other place.”
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Good morning TBRers on this day of remembrance. In case you missed it, here’s my (serious) piece about Jimmy Carter: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/jimmy-carter-deserved-better-so-do
In one last unselfish act of patriotism, Carter ‘s death means flags will fly at half mast during the inauguration. The flags mourn both Carter and our democracy. Well played,Jimmy. 🙏