Jokes Officially Approved by the Trump White House
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WASHINGTON—On Saturday morning, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt delivered the following press briefing:
Members of the press, as you all know (and as many of you witnessed firsthand), there was a horrific assassination attempt at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner last Saturday. This heinous attack has made it clear that the only way to stop gun violence in America is to put tighter restrictions on liberal hate speech, which continues to encourage radical leftists to carry out these despicable shootings.
We believe Saturday’s attack was the direct result of a so-called “joke” told by failed comedian Jimmy Kimmel two days before the shooting, in which he claimed that First Lady Melania Trump had a “glow like an expectant widow.” It is obvious that Kimmel’s violent rhetoric is what motivated the gunman. There’s a huge difference between telling a joke, like when I said that there would be “shots fired” that night, and what Kimmel did. Anyone can see that Kimmel’s remark was a death threat, while mine was an innocent observation about the irreverent monologue the president was planning to deliver.
Since comedians can no longer be trusted to entertain audiences without inspiring deranged killers, the White House has issued the following list of approved jokes. Any comic deviating from this list will have their network’s FCC license revoked and will be subject to detention and questioning by FBI Director Kash Patel at his field office in the Bellagio Casino.
Jokes officially approved by the White House include:
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