The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

Melania Realizes Valentine Not From Trump Because Her Name Was Spelled Correctly

Andy Borowitz's avatar
Andy Borowitz
Feb 14, 2025
∙ Paid
Drew Angerer/Getty Images

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Melania Trump has determined that the Valentine’s Day card she received on Friday could not possibly be from her husband because her name was spelled correctly, the First Lady has confirmed.

“If it spelled ‘Melanie,’ ‘Melanin,’ or ‘Malala,’ then I’d know it from him,” she said.

“It was signed ‘the…

This post is for paid subscribers

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in
© 2025 Andy Borowitz
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start your SubstackGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture