Mike Johnson Has no Comment After Trump Demolishes His Home

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)— Mike Johnson had no comment on Thursday after Donald J. Trump demolished the House Speaker’s family home.

Johnson had reportedly been asleep when a backhoe came crashing through the wall of his master bedroom, sending the Speaker and his wife fleeing for safety.

At the White House, press secretary Karoline Leavitt offered scant explanation for Trump’s decision to level Johnson’s dwelling, saying only that he “felt like it.”

After initially refusing to comment, Johnson told reporters that he was “sure the President had a perfectly good reason for doing it” and invited Trump to total his car.

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How to Spend Your Soros Money!

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Greetings, fellow Antifa members! If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what to do with all the money George Soros paid you to turn out for No Kings protests on Saturday. Well, here’s an idea: buy one of the few remaining tickets for my live show this Friday!

There are only a handful of tickets left but I’d like them to go to fellow far-left extremists like yourselves. After the show, I’ll get a chance to meet you face to face when I sign copies of my book PROFILES IN IGNORANCE. I’d love to see you there!