321 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Who else has a better chance of winning the Nobel?

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LHS's avatar

Imagine if Joe Biden won it. 😈

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂😂. Let’s suggest it! Maybe it’s enough to finally end Trump!🙏

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Barry Blue's avatar

He’s obviously already had a stroke. I don’t know what else we can throw at him. He’s like an orange Energizer Bunny

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J Cheng's avatar

Unfortunately he has a slew of medical people (I won't call them doctors because they may be his appointees) who will do anything to keep that bunny hopping.

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Jerr's avatar

Perhaps RFK JR. could pass along the brain worm to DJT, since it has run of nourishment in Jr's brain, it would not be long before it would again run out of food in Dump's noggin.

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Anna Bolique's avatar

Ah, but that was a TIA - a "mini" stroke.

He's still due for the Big Kahuna.

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Jerr's avatar

If tRump should go before I wake,

I pray the news ain't fake.

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Babydoc's avatar

On top of worsening dementia. He’s a real dream boat, not.

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kdsherpa's avatar

More likely a TIA -- Transient Ischemic Attack. (Unfortunately. The "Transient" part.)

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Dog Bless Us's avatar

Hence the ol chestnut - Teflon Don…

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David Donald's avatar

Biden has been nominated.

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Marcia Whitaker's avatar

Dogs do not cheat. They are loyal, honest, loving and friendly. Perhaps that is the reason Trump is the only modern President who has never had a dog.

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Babydoc's avatar

Excellent point!

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Susan Wingate's avatar

Wouldn't that be wonderful.

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Barbara's avatar

From your mouth to God's ears! I have thought the same thing. Of course if Joe did win it, Trump would "trump" up charges against Joe for some stupid reason and have him publicly hung.

May I propose that we change the word trump as in "trump up charges" or "one, no trump," to something else? I'm not sure what the substitutes should be, but I'd go for anything that wasn't his last name.

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Marti Brown, MSN, NP-C's avatar

How bout the orange metamucilini! One of my favorites!

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Bruce Maslack's avatar

Greta Thunberg

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It's Come To This's avatar

José Andres and World Central Kitchen.

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Anne B's avatar

Love that idea!

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J Cheng's avatar

Yes!!!! Can you imagine if he won!

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Carolyn Hoera's avatar

It’s the only choice.

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Catherine Alvarez's avatar

Bruce . Yes that would send Dump into a life ending tantrum 😁

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Ann Rock's avatar

At least she was nominated

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Mirla G. Raz's avatar

Nah

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Patty Bohart's avatar

Putin. He's had fewer affairs with and/or assaults of women.

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ASBermant's avatar

That we know of . . .

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Jocelyn B's avatar

I was going to say ...

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Kassy's avatar

A second one to Obama. That would definitely

make Trump

apoplectic.

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ASBermant's avatar

Love it!!!🤣🤣🤣

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Patty Bohart's avatar

Haha yes!

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Stan Duffner's avatar

But putin's ahead in the murder category

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J Cheng's avatar

are we sure????

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Marian Lang's avatar

The backwards walking escalator guy

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Steve Beckwith's avatar

Genghis Khan may have a posthumous shot now.

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Susan Jo Nagy's avatar

Yulia Navalnaya

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Martha's avatar

Charles Manson, posthumously.

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Frank D Repp's avatar

Hitler, Mao, Putin and Stalin.

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ASBermant's avatar

He hasn't quite gotten to the level of Hitler, Mao or Stalin but he's doing his damndest to beat them to the bottom.

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

He's more of a Mussolini.

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kdsherpa's avatar

Do you think we'd be allowed to hang him upside down after he dies?

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ASBermant's avatar

Exactly!

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Gabriele C Overweg's avatar

You forgot Benito.

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Duckmark's avatar

The new Mt Rushmore

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Lucy K.'s avatar

In reality, someone like Mark Elias who's won a lot of court cases against all the various unlawful things the felon has tried to do. Or maybe Dr. Fauci, that would piss off both the felon & the worm guy.

Still the Nobel committee should be on guard, the regime probably already has all their files from when Elon was on the job, the shakedown could be coming.

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bruce schneider's avatar

Fauci! What a great idea! He deserves it since a healthy world has less strife.

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Kassy's avatar

Oh I like that!

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Lucy K.'s avatar

True, but sadly I think Dr. Fauci has entered a witness protection program to hide out from the whole MAGA world who decided he's an arch enemy.

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Kay Magilavy's avatar

I am pretty sure Elon's fingers are still in the cookie jar of data. We should be ready for the announcement that he is this year's winner.

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Kay Magilavy's avatar

J.D. Vance, who thinks the U.S. should attack anyone who deserves it. Sort of the "tough love" approach to peacekeeping.

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Dianne's avatar

So Christian.

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Wis's avatar

(Great sarcasm, Dianne, and very spot on! ;) )

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Hannibal Lector, of course.

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Lynne's avatar

Does “Anyone”” count?

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

George Costanza!

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Bob Graham's avatar

Satan. He only goes after bad people.

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J Cheng's avatar

My dog Lola.

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Cathleen's avatar

Maybe Pete Hegseth at Quantico September 30? 🤦🏻‍♀️

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Louisa Kasdon's avatar

Love this. But why do we have so many precise playbooks for creating Authoritarian regimes out of democracies…where’s the playbook for reversing the takeover?

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Actually, STRONGMEN does deal with this.

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Bill's avatar

STRONGMEN is an excellent book! Buy it!

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

I read it a few months ago-very interesting.

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Louisa Kasdon's avatar

I just ordered it. Thank you!

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Gail E Hofmann's avatar

With any luck someone can write it in 2029.

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Louisa Kasdon's avatar

We have to start now

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D Cohen's avatar

"cheated like dogs"?? Dogs don't cheat.

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LHS's avatar

Unless they think you aren't looking when you leave your sandwich on the coffee table. 😄

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂😂 🐾 🐾 👅

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Susan Stone's avatar

One of my neighbors has a German Shepherd that knows how to open the baby proof doors under the sink to steal treats. That said, in my experience, dogs are basically WYSIWYGS.

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Bill's avatar

I doubt if Sir Shits-a-lot could open baby proof doors.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Good point. Thank you for making me laugh!

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Bill's avatar

Dogs probably smell better than rancid tRUMP too

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bruce schneider's avatar

My cocker spaniel can open the refrigerator She also creates diversions while we're eating so she can jump on the table after we get up. A devious genius!

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Erika Rosenfeld's avatar

As I wrote above (with apologies to D Cohen, not having first seen that comment and to whom I wish Shanah Tovah!), what LHS says is cheating is actually lying: “Sandwich? What sandwich? I haven’t had anything to eat all day!”

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D Cohen's avatar

indeed.

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Jenny Lens's avatar

L'Shana Tova, Erika.

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Judy Shaffer's avatar

That doesn't "count." That's a "tempt," Shame on you. Dogs are SO above the scum in the White House.

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D Cohen's avatar

okay. but maybe that's within the rules of fair engagement.

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Dennis Bianchi's avatar

😂😂

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Charles Hall's avatar

How the hell would Trump know anyway? He doesn't own a dog. Very unfair to dogs.

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Dennis Bianchi's avatar

If a dog had to live with Don the dog would leave. They know.

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

It probably would've been bitten by tRump and his kids.

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Robert E.'s avatar

Why turn man's best friend rabid?

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D Cohen's avatar

Excellent point. Trump doesn't have the foggiest notion about dogs.

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meryl selig's avatar

He uses “dogs” in obnoxious ways. Obviously he ever had a pet dog

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Wis's avatar

Thank GOD, on behalf of all dogs everywhere, that trump has never had a dog. Or any pet.

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J Cheng's avatar

except Melania????

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Kieren's avatar

I thought Donnie's the pet.

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Italien's avatar

😂😂😂

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D Cohen's avatar

Excellent point from Wis. Can anyone imagine a dog's view of belonging to Trump?

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Jenny Lens's avatar

Trump has gone on record that he hates dogs and never had one. He's always putting down dogs in ways none of us would ever imagine. Yes, as you said, obvious he never had a dog.

I'd like to say he'd changed his mind with a dog. But I bet he'd get someone to pull a Noem gravel pit for any dog he got.

Bet any dog would try to get away from him or go after him cos you know, dogs can tell good people from not. In fact, dogs are much smarter than people in many cases. They actually can learn! Imagine that.

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Wis's avatar

They DON'T, you're right, D! If they grab food when you aren't looking, they aren't cheating with any malice in their heart; they're just hungry! Humans are unique in cheating with malice in their hearts and they don't care at whose cost it is that they gain.

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Brenda Reiss's avatar

He hates dogs. Uses that comparison to dogs in many circumstances. He should only be like a dog

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L B Rose's avatar

Why do you think Kristi Noem is on his team?

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Elizabeth Block's avatar

Cats sometimes do, though.

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Patrick's avatar

The Noble Prize Committee is willing to strike a deal with Trump. They will award the prize to him, but only posthumously.

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Patrick's avatar

Nobel. I should probably check my pulse as well.

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Jenny Lens's avatar

We all are rattled by Trump. Your pulse is probably racing due to this topic. Increases stress, for sure. Typos are expected. I went to Nobel Jr High. I'm sure I could easily transpose letters in this situation.

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Patrick's avatar

Thank you for your sympathy. I did notice my blood pressure starting to rise sometime around January 20th, 2025

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

😜😜😜

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Enid's avatar

Hahahahaha-guffaws from ‘Lil Rhody! Hilarious!

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Marianne Burbank's avatar

Perfect!!!

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Gerry Boyce's avatar

ROFL !!!!!!Great

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M Apodaca's avatar

One of the members of the committee — not mentioning Trump — said they give the side eye to anyone campaigning for the prize.

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Lynn Tuohy's avatar

That’s the way it should be.

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Maria Jette's avatar

You’d think it would be obvious that anyone who insists they DESERVE one is de facto UNDESERVING!

Then again, anyone who would try it would assume that concept simply applied to everyone else…and “everyone else” would naturally be demanding it for themselves. After all, it requires a supremely magnificent ego to force “peace” down the political throats of nations who’ve been at war for decades, like India and Pakistan. And just imagine how much harder it is with countries who’ve weren’t even aware they were at war with each other, like Cambodia and Armenia!

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Jocelyn B's avatar

Ha! Right!

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Elizabeth Block's avatar

Yes. Yes indeed. That's like calling yourself a mensch. If you do that, you're not a mensch, you're a schmuck.

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Sooz Hall's avatar

Pol Pot

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Lynne Harriton's avatar

Isn’t it necessary to be alive?

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Sharon English's avatar

Expect an Exec Order banning roofs since

It isn't guns snipers use, it is roofs.

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Erika Rosenfeld's avatar

Good one!

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howard levitt's avatar

Trump thought it was the Piece Prize, and he had planned to share it with Jeffrey Epstein (postoumously)

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AVee. (Alexia)'s avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh MY Gosh!

Laughing today is helping!

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Italien's avatar

Yeah, because awful stuff is happening. Fast…

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Hank Greenspan's avatar

Satan.

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Barry Blue's avatar

He’s having The Yam’s baby, according to South Park

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

He can't escape from tRump, either.

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Karin Perkins's avatar

This may explain why Trump has been so friendly to the Ukraine recently. He probably asked Zelenskyy if he supports Trump's bid for the Nobel Peace Prize, and Zelenskyy said 'Suuuuuure....'

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Robert's avatar

Trump is gonna hear from the dogs on this one.

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Italien's avatar

If the gnome doesn’t shoot em..😏

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Andrea's avatar

I swear, if it weren’t for the Borowitz Report, these dark times would be intolerable! Thanks for throwing me a daily lifeline, and reason to laugh at the insanity Andy!!

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Italien's avatar

Hear hear!!

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Lisa Ridgway's avatar

“Gimme Gimme Gimme.” What a moral imperative.

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Barry Blue's avatar

He wants a man after midnight???

/ABBA

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Allyson Ross Davies's avatar

Almost anyone

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Charles Hall's avatar

If the Nobel Committee is considering Trump for the Peace Prize, they should also consider a posthumous award for Medicine for Dr. Mengele, although after his news conference announcing the cause of autism and with his comment that women should just "tough it out" Trump may be in the running for that one too.

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