252 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Trump has the tallest reflecting pool in the world!!!

Erik Bruun's avatar

And the shallowest

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

You meant gene pool right? 😁

It's Come To This's avatar

And the Lysol Toilet Bowl bluest!

M Apodaca's avatar

And the bluest.

Al Keim's avatar
1hEdited

🎶The bluest pool you've ever seen belongs to Donald

and the dollars oh so green are also Donald's

Like a petulant child, starting wars, running wild

Yelling catch me if you can while the aids rub on fake tan

It's time we said adieu to old Donald, to old Donald.

Janeo's avatar

Rumor has it he's preparing an EO stating that from now on Length=Height.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

He may have the tallest reflecting pool in the world but he has no self reflection!!!😉Thanks for the Monday morning chuckle Andy, as we start another week of madness! Your wit and humor keep me sane and laughing! 😂💕

It's Come To This's avatar

We always knew he was a fat vampire in diapers.

Doris Buchmann's avatar

LOL LOL, THANKS FOR THAT ONE!!

Jim Ree's avatar

And the smallest hands and the smallest...

Candy C's avatar

And fittingly, it seems to have toppled over!

Rose Edgar's avatar

Thanks again Andy for giving me something to laugh about. Laughter is good for the soul.

Marc Panaye's avatar

If you lay it flat and paint it pool-blue...........

Annette's avatar

and one that's likely to peel, crack and fade within six months. Just sayin'

Nancy Monacelli's avatar

Ah, the difference between His Holiness and His Assholiness.

Paul's avatar

So, thats the source of his Executive Odors!

Nancy Monacelli's avatar

Well played, sir!

It's Come To This's avatar

Your Eminence v. Your Putrescence.

Al Gorythm's avatar

Trump doesn’t know the difference between the Golden Scepter and the golden sphincter.

Annette's avatar

I suppose, at some point in the future, he'll consider "knighting" people by farting on them (in all his glorious, dazed and demented confusion).

BTAM Master's avatar

Figuratively, that means the entire nation has been knighted.

Thanks for the image, Annette /s

Mary-Jean Miner's avatar

Hahahahahaha…..

Ellen Harris's avatar

Good one Nancy!!

Al Gorythm's avatar

If you printed out the Epstein files, the pages would cover the Reflecting Pool 11.5 times.

Jonathan Aborn's avatar

Replacing the Tacky Blue with Redaction Black………

Bad Ass Boomer's avatar

I don’t doubt it ROFL

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

One guy offers hope. The other offers a cage match. Apparently hope still has a market. 🙏🏻

Lorenzo's avatar

Leo vs. Trump. Good vs. evil. Reason vs. insanity. It shouldn't be a hard choice.

Kathy Lee Davis's avatar

Yet somehow the Republicans are conffused!

Kathy Lee Davis's avatar

The extra f was a typo but I think it is fitting - F the Republicans

Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Typos are OK if there is a meaning. Indeed, the extra f for F the republicans. (Not a typo. I refuse to use caps to refer to them.

Al Keim's avatar

Drinking too much covffeffe.

Annette's avatar

Leo has God on his side . . . tRump has the gang that couldn't shoot straight.

Paul's avatar

How can the Pope move freely amongst millions of un vetted worshipers and Trump needs a Big Multi Billion Dollar Bunker to hide in and protect him from the public?

Annette's avatar

because the world doesn't hate Pope Leo

Larry Caringer's avatar

Reflecting pools standing erect, UFC events on the White House Lawn, spray-painted gold tchotchkes covering every square inch of the Oval Office, rising inflation caused by an unnecessary war created by a lunatic... you Trump voters must be so proud.

Larry Caringer's avatar

In the interest of being pithy…I had to cut out about 100,000 other atrocities authored by the idiot and his cronies.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Sir, I know tchotchkes, and those spray painted gold turds in the Oval Office are no tchotchkes!

C K Smith's avatar

Excellent, Paul! I hope everyone gets your allusion. Also, tchotchkes have something that others can love; the spray-painted foam turds in the Oval Office do not have anything that anyone but tRump could love.

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

RJM's avatar

Larry Caringer: The T-voters can be proud but the real credit goes to Elon. After all, he was publicly thanked on Jan 19 2025 because 'he knows those computers better than anybody. All those computers, those vote-counting computers, and we ended up winning Pennsylvania...' (Also the other 6 swing states: the software that works for one works for many.) Of course, now that Elon's a trillionaire, maybe he doesn't have time to mess with the midterms. Sure.

Link: https://www.rev.com/transcripts/trump-rally-ahead-of-inaguration

at timestamp 28:03

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

Don't forget the tariffs that caused self inflicted economic pain!

Suzie's avatar

He just can't help himself. Countdown to his total demise is underway.

jan van beuren's avatar

I Wish I Wish... So Soon!!!!

nacreplus2's avatar

I understand the sentiment, but a friend just pointed out to me that a huge funeral before election day would not help our cause. Let's hope he can hold on until after the election and his staff can keep him busy playing with absurd blueprints, fake things to sign and groups of babysitters to help him take his naps!

SusanLT's avatar

The sooner it is launched the better!

Sharon P's avatar

'speed counting' is in order

Aline Libassi's avatar

"Ojala," as we say in Spanish

Annette's avatar

think that could happen in, oh, say, 60 minutes? Asking for a friend.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

I like your optimism Suzie ! It rivals Andy’s!😂 But I fear Trump is like the brook in Tennyson’s poem - “ men may come and men may go / but I go on forever! 😂💕

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Trump runs away from journalists when the questions aren’t soft balls. Pope Leo met Marco and resisted the temptation to whack him over the head with a mitre. He truly is a holy man.

Annette's avatar

blessed are the patient

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

I was trying to fugure out what Trump was doing with the reflecting pool. I know it had leaks and needed sime TLC so what could be wrong with that? Then I saw this:

The Backlash: The Cultural Landscape Foundation filed a lawsuit in U.S. District Court seeking to stop the project. Preservationists argue the administration ignored historic preservation laws and fundamentally altered the historic, achromatic gray design of the Reflecting Pool to a "theme park" aesthetic.

Al Keim's avatar

Wait till the court sees the Duck boats!

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

I guess they can always paint it gray again after Trump dies. When will that be?

Janeo's avatar

I check every morning right before I click on Borowitz.

Annette's avatar

me too! Every morning I turn the television on, and ask "is he dead yet?" and my husband shakes his head and says "no" . . . but some day . . . SOME DAY!

Annette's avatar

lifeguard chairs will be installed after the UFC fight, as well as a few "swim up" bars

JBR's avatar

You forget, we have the best economy, the hottest country, the best weather, the brightest sun, the best molecules, the most violent entertainment, like nobody's ever seen, and we have the best inflatation.

Elaine Young's avatar

And the hottest women!

C K Smith's avatar

I think you mean hottest little girls, don't you, Elaine? And maybe little boys, too, for all we know.

Al Keim's avatar

Now about those California girls...

Sally McKinney's avatar

That Pope guy sure knows how to work a crowd. You rock, Pope!

Frances López's avatar

You could even say: He spoke their language. Whatta guy!

Enid's avatar

And I bet that the pope getting so much great press, and interacting so humbly to really pisses off the Orange Bastard.

Enid's avatar

(Sorry for my garbled syntax. Not up to my English Major standards…)

Al Keim's avatar

One of the Pope's main concerns is syn.

Sean M Carlin's avatar

The only thing smaller than Diaper Don’s hands is his appendage. It’s the reason why he pursued defenseless little girls.

Bad Ass Boomer's avatar

Ouch!!!! Good One.

L B Rose's avatar

Didn't one of them bite it off?

Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

I'm a bit slow on the uptake lately, but I bet that's why Stormy said it looked like a mushroom! LOL!

Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

LOL!! I guess that's one way to do it, if you don't have a knife handy!

Paul rathblott's avatar

It’s a draw. Trump knows nothing about the Old or New Testament Bibles

and the Pope knows nothing about the Trump Bible.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

True! The Pope has never read The Gospel According to Lee Greenwood.

Doris Buchmann's avatar

LOL, LOL, oh WOW, that is Hilarious!!!

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

L B Rose's avatar

King Con's "Bible" excludes the Golden Rule.

Susan Kemp's avatar

I think he just prefers this version, “He who has the gold rules.”

C K Smith's avatar

I think the Pope is the kind of guy who does not ever watch or know anything about cage fighting. He probably is like the rest of us and and does not even want to know anything about it, especially on the US Flag Day. I am going to be flying my Pride flag that day.

Annette's avatar

I'm attending a rally locally - love celebrating the horrible orange man's bday by protesting with a sign that lets people know he's the worst human ever.

C K Smith's avatar

Excellent! I am with you all the way!

Stephen Brady's avatar

Wouldn't it be grand if the Nicks Fans booed him into another incarnation tonight!

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

On the big screens above center court, the Garden could alternate between the picture of Trump and Epstein together at a party and showing trump up in his luxury box on the kiss cam. The crowd could chant “Epstein Files! Epstein Files!” repeatedly.

Annette's avatar

and then laugh . . . because he absolutely hates being laughed at. Come on New Yorkers, laugh like your life depends on it!