332 Comments
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Dick Eger's avatar

There is one YUGE difference between Trump and the jet...the jet can be sold for its parts.

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OleAviator's avatar

and .. when the jet parks at the gate, the engines stop whining

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John Townsend's avatar

--and the wings can't post stupid nonsense on Truth Social!

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OleAviator's avatar

TS makes revenue that bypasses PACs, and so straight into his pocket. and woe betide businesses that do NOT buy ads on TS

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Olivia Ward's avatar

With tRump the whining never stops. No peeve too small to pet.

Adam Kinzinger devoted a whole essay to tRump's not-so-fine whines...

https://open.substack.com/pub/adamkinzinger/p/the-worlds-oldest-toddler?r=a61er&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email

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Elene Gusch's avatar

"No peeve too small to pet"-- brilliant!

Same for "not-so-fine whines."

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Bobbi Murray's avatar

Ooo! A+ for that one!

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salletucson@gmail.com's avatar

❤️😂❤️

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Alan's avatar

That's correct Dick. And the doors and other parts are designed by Boeing to rapidly disassemble -- even in mid-flight 😉

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Kandy Brown's avatar

Could this have been planned from the beginning and Boeing wanted Trump to parish?

How clever. Perhaps I will fly with them in solidarity. Just not out of Newark.

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David T Moran's avatar

Don't try Denver or now La Guardia either

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Kandy Brown's avatar

Oops, I misspelled perish by writing "parish". Spellcheck didn't catch it because it is actually a word. Perhaps it wasn't such a mistake as Trump desperately needs a "parish"!

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David Gardiner's avatar

Sometimes a double entendre can solve a vexing issue, Kandy.

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Kandy Brown's avatar

You are sooo right!

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Charles Wagner's avatar

Trump already has a parish. Maybe the once were called a confederacy of dunces.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Great book -- not so PC, but brilliant anyhow.

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Kandy Brown's avatar

Thanks for the advice!

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Kate Decker's avatar

...(Or, as Jack, see below, notes) , So can Trump also be sold for parts. This may be necessary, since so many parts of Trump are already missing: (intelligence, reason, integrity, decency, honor, honesty, kindness, fairness, humanity, respect, self governance, self discipline, conscience, good form... Plus, Trump ;has those rather nasty piggy little eyes and that blubbering baby-mouth, which will not be worth much on the open market... Also, Caveat Emptor !

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Veronika Grimm-Matthews's avatar

I love the enumeration of all the specifics, so the possible Emptor will not buy a pig in a poke, or, who knows, maybe a lot of buyers will just lovingly tear him to pieces! Oh how one can wishfully dream!

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Sandy's avatar

Yep; there’s no silk purse to be found on that pig.

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felice's avatar

I hadn't come up with all of those those characteristics even after a lot of dictionary research. You're good, Kate. Thanks.

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Kim D's avatar

But he is being sold for parts. His handlers -- Kevin Roberts, Peter Theil, Stephen Miller, et al -- bought him and are using every slimy bit of him to control the country. Throwing bits of him out to the public like a feeding time at the zoo. "Here's some hate for you! And here's some misogyny for you! You want some greed? Here, catch!"

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John Townsend's avatar

As coins out of a gilded carriage to a starving populace.

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Kate Decker's avatar

"Let them eat -- well, -- air."

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Charles Wagner's avatar

Make sure the air is polluted.

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Kate Decker's avatar

:-) !!

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Kim D's avatar

Mardi Gras. Throw me something Mister!

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Laurie's avatar

But please, we beg of you, don't lift your shirt.

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Kate Decker's avatar

omg NO!

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Charles Wagner's avatar

They are all owned by the Heritage Foundation.

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Bobbi Murray's avatar

Exactly so—and so crisply presented ! Thank you!

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Kate Decker's avatar

Your comment made me bust out laughing :-) !!

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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Jack's avatar

So can Trump

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Kate Decker's avatar

Jack -- Great observation. See reply to your comment, above.) :-) !!

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Margaret Miesnik's avatar

LOL! Pre-owned was brilliant!

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Alan's avatar
14hEdited

As part of the deal, the Al Thani family plans to reassign their new pre-owned acquisition to be President of Gaza and the head lifeguard on its new big beautiful beach.

When informed that he was a questionable choice as head lifeguard because he can float but cannot swim, the Emir replied, "That's OK. The pilot that comes with the plane has a nice uniform but cannot fly an aircraft!"

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Like the inflatable autopilot in the movie "Airplane".

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Robot Bender's avatar

Actually, George the inflatable copilot could fly. And don't call me Shirley. 😉

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John Townsend's avatar

How about Robo-Tina?

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David Gardiner's avatar

No warranty, express or implied, Margaret.

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Beth McClellan's avatar

Yes! Spit out my coffee at that part

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Larry Caringer's avatar

That picture says it all!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

I would not purchase the senile person with the pen.

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Andy--that is one scary photo!!

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J Cheng's avatar

Dumpty looks like he's had a stroke as he triumphantly displays the free pen he just got. Tamim looks like he's thinking, this guy is the biggest idiot on the planet. That pen is not even gold plated......

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Kathleen Pirquet's avatar

Sharpie, not Lami.....

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Annette's avatar

he looks like the kid that found the gold crayon in a box of 64 Crayolas

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LBMLiz's avatar

You just know he’s shouting out “Who wants this historic pen?” Then he’ll throw it into the audience.

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

blinding a little boy in a wheelchair decorated with flags and crosses

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Thank you! That made my day!

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John Townsend's avatar

--where it will stick in someone's eye if not in their craw.

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Alan's avatar

Andy, have you considered making that purchase, keeping the valuable pen and reselling the person to his pen pal, Kim Jung Un?

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Nancy Brown's avatar

Won’t be long before he holds the pen in a clenched fist and writes like a five year old. (Apologies to five year olds.)

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MLK's avatar

He already does that. NB: his signature.

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Charles Wagner's avatar

You could make a Dr.Seuss poem out of that.

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M Seits's avatar

That photo looks like it’s real too! Even AI couldn’t come up with such an accurate Alfred E Newman likeness!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

It is in fact real

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Annette's avatar

all the scarier

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Michael's avatar

Dismaying

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Robert E.'s avatar

Trumpty is sporting the "What...Me Worry?" look. Begging the question: "Is his diaper half full or half empty?"

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John Townsend's avatar

It's all stinky!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

On behalf of Alfred E. Newman fans everywhere, I demand that you retract your statement.

www.berkshireeagle.com/mad-triple-self-portrait-parody-copy/image_6a7d3462-2273-11ef-abbe-1febd3e0181b.html

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M Seits's avatar

My apologies to Alfred E. - but you have to admit that tRump does bear a great resemblance to him....

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Well, the goofy crazed "oh golly gee whiz" WTF snort-giggle expression does, anyway.

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David Gardiner's avatar

The pen is mightier than the sordid.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Brilliant!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Are you referring to the picture where trump's eyes appear to be filled with glued? And he's holding a pen overhead, but thought he'd picked up a cigar to smoke with his new bestie?

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Larry Caringer's avatar

Yes…that one. The one that can’t possibly be real…but is totally, unfortunately (for us) real.

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Susan McIntosh's avatar

At first glance, those flowers in the photo look like gold coins. Great work, Andy!

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ceekaycee's avatar

The original plan was to buy him, junk him and use him for parts. But a covert scan revealed that all the internal organs were corroded and the brain network looked like amyloid city.

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Cass's avatar

😂😂😂 "amyloid city"

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Barry Blue's avatar

Amyloid City, a new drama from Shonda Rhimes, coming soon to Netflix.

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John Townsend's avatar

The German language version: "Dementia-dorf".

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John Townsend's avatar

--and veins clogged like an L.A. freeway!

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MLK's avatar

The external organs are corroded, too. Ask Stormy Daniels for details.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Ew.

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Bob Weber's avatar

Harlan Crow ridiculed Elon Musk for spending more than 290 million dollars on Donald Trump only to lose ownership to a foreign investor with an out of warranty 747 and pull toy with flashing lights for his son Eric. “I made a much better deal when I bought a Supreme Court Justice with a low-end RV, a couple of rides on my plane, and a cookout in my backyard. What a dope”. To be fair, Elon did attempt to give President Trump a ride in a Cybertruck but was unable to fit him into the front seat and the trunk only had a 500 pound capacity.

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Annette's avatar

omg, that elicited a snort laugh with caffeine spew!

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John Townsend's avatar

--and the tires blew!

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Bob Weber's avatar

Causing the batteries to explode, resulting in the biggest lard fire in history.

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MLK's avatar

I wish....

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Phil M.'s avatar

Hopefully, the deal included free delivery to Qatar. And no returns!

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Annette's avatar

I hope they take him out to an airfield in Texas and leave him there until he can be retrieved

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

The airfield you're thinking of is called Newark Airport, sorry to say. Alas, poor airport, I'd known you well.

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Annette's avatar

my mistake, L.R., I did mean Newark - lol

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Susan Stone's avatar

I'm grateful for the mistake - we have enough problems in Texas without dumping trump in our midst.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

We all do, Susan... *sigh*

Maybe that little poopy-scooping guy who follows the parade on the Rocky & Bullwinkle Show will scoop 'im up (having mistaken him for a bigly pile of shit, which of course he is, so actually no mistake, no harm but foul) and toss him in a trash compacter. Ok, ok, a girl can dream!

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Susan Stone's avatar

Keep dreaming, Floofie. You always leave me with a big smile.

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Peter Nicoll's avatar

The photo reminds me of those photos on social media of "Puppy so excited to find his new 'forever home'".

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John Townsend's avatar

Yeah, in jail!

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MLK's avatar
2hEdited

Better yet, a temporary home in a dog pound that practices euthanasia (though I'd never wish this on an actual dog).

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Anne T Converse's avatar

I agree, Stephen Miller, has always made me cringe since he came in the scene. Sleazy and slippery as they come.

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John Townsend's avatar

--and the oil slick trail behind him wherever he goes!

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Michael Komarow's avatar

That aint oil.

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Winslow Tuttle's avatar

Oh, great--another column that makes me laugh and cringe.

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Always

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

AB, a man you can lean on.

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John Townsend's avatar

--like a brick wall?

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

John, I'm glad you wrote "wall" and not something else. Really, though, I had a flash of an ancient print ad for a clothing-fabric mfr, Klopman. The ad, "Klopman, a man you can lean on," ran for a very long time, as I recall.

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John Townsend's avatar

Laugh and cringe. Laugh and cringe. Repeat.

The new exercise routine for these Trumpian times!

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L B Rose's avatar

You have nailed it! No other journalist comes close!

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Accessories include the cabinet, all advisors, and the Trump family including Melanie, when we find her.

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M Seits's avatar

What do you mean they can’t find Malaria? She’s already over there in the Emir’s harem! His gold is solid and worth more than trump’s cryptocurrency!!

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Annette's avatar

and he's better looking than tRump, especially since Justin Trudeau has rebuffed her advances

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

And his mustache is worth more than trump's ...oh, I don't know, but you get the idea.

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John Townsend's avatar

All the right scratches in all the right places!

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John Townsend's avatar

She's the trophy (wife) sitting on the mantel, above all the gold trim.

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

I wonder if the movie Goldfinger made. a big impression on felon

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

Vladimir Putrid already owns Diaper Don and the Fart of the Deal!

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Cass's avatar

😂 Maybe they can arrange joint custody.

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John Townsend's avatar

Lots of vodka needed to cover Vlad's regret!

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Stan Duffner's avatar

But who has the title? I'm pretty sure 1-800 cars for kids wouldn't want that useless price of junk even for scrap

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Maureen Riley's avatar

Gotta’ be Stephen Miller. It doesn’t get any worse than that.

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OleAviator's avatar

He fits right in with the rest of his crew. I'd expect Rudy and Alex to join any day now

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Sally McKinney's avatar

Andy, you have made my day. I know it's too late but I'd love to marry you and have your babies.

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John Townsend's avatar

Oh, just boink him! Forget about the fights about money and the labor pains!

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Douglas Buchanan's avatar

Please have fire sale and let go entire administration. Janitorial staff can replace with ease.

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John Townsend's avatar

--and the janitorial staff could probably run the country better!

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Bob's avatar

Thay can have him.

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