NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report)—The Borowitz Report, the last surviving media outlet not owned by a billionaire, broke with its longstanding policy of impartiality in elections on Monday by endorsing Kamala Harris for president of the United States.
“We did not take this decision lightly,” TBR’s editorial board wrote. “But after carefully weighing the strengths and weaknesses of the two presidential candidates, The Borowitz Report has decided to endorse the one who does not resemble Hitler.”
The decision to endorse Harris caused the resignation of TBR’s top business executive, Harland Dorrinson, who called it “a violation of the mainstream media’s most sacred duty: to maximize profits.”
“Others at The Borowitz Report may be able to stomach this decision, but I cannot,” he wrote in his resignation letter. “It contradicts everything I learned at Harvard Business School and McKinsey.”
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I recognize that this decision may damage TBR's chances of scoring lucrative government contracts if Trump is elected. But sometimes you have to put principles ahead of profits.
Me: God, is it wrong to love TBR?
GOD: It is wrong to NOT love TBR⚡️