The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

Things That Go Trump in the Night

Metamucilini's Worst Nightmares

Oct 31, 2025
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Ghosts. Goblins. Ghouls. They’re what Halloween nightmares are made of. But they’re not what keeps Donald Trump, aka Metamucilini, up at night.

What terrifies Trump? To celebrate Halloween, I’ve compiled a list of his deepest, darkest fears. Welcome to this sniveling scaredy-cat’s haunted house of horrors!

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