Trump Backs Out of Debate After Voices Inside His Head Refuse to be Muted

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

PHILADELPHIA (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump backed out of Tuesday’s televised debate at the eleventh hour, claiming that the voices inside his head balked at being muted.

“I have millions of fantastic voices inside my head and they’ve been treated very unfairly, quite frankly,” he said. “This should never be allowed to …