417 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Finally, something Trump is good at!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂Happy Monday Andy ! We always knew Trump had the magic touch when it came to destroying our most cherished institutions! He excels at that ! Thanks Andy, your satire is sharp and hilarious! 😂💕

Annette's avatar

Let's make sure that's duly, and prominently, noted anywhere his picture is displayed.

Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Trump is going to destroy the entire building. This is not a renovation. Demolition Don is at it again!

Steve Newman's avatar

Agreed, The idiot thinks big ballroom equals big balls. When in fact it equals amateur, destructive, distraction from a guy that simply got lucky because a bunch of amateur voters bought all his bullshit. Oh my, it’s 8:30 am and I’m thinking cocktail. A/B, you heat me up. I might have to wait till after five to read these wonderful conversations.

It's Come To This's avatar

It equals teeny, tiny, petty, pissy, wee little insignificant bumps where balls ought to be. Everything about Trump screams MY SMALL PENIS.

Susan von Beethoven's avatar

And shaped like a tiny wilted mushroom (per Stormy Daniels).

MaryAnn Nøbben's avatar

I believe they are called "cock spurs" and prevent him from "rising" to any occasion.

It's Come To This's avatar

The chastity sheath Putin bought for him is small indeed.

Margaret Zwald's avatar

and then blames it on Biden or Obama and maybe Clinton.

It's Come To This's avatar

Or Rosie O’Donnell or Taylor Swift or Bette Midler…

Deb's avatar
1hEdited

LMFAO! Thank you, thank you for a hearty Monday laugh. 👍 Nothing truer was ever said.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

With Trump, it's always about the size of the dick.

sondi moore's avatar

You know why Melania holds her mouth in that closed position all the time? So that his dick can fit.

Gjay15's avatar

Come on I am sure someone has offered “ it’s five o’clock somewhere “ before me. So cheers Mr. Newman

Suzy Fraser's avatar

All of this is enough to get me drinking!

Margaret Zwald's avatar

He thinks he is a builder and is an expert at it.

PC's avatar

Yes, a lot of "Ds" begin appropriate words to put in front of his name. Others include Destructive, Demented, Demonic, Dumb, Dangerous, Dark-hearted, Deceitful, Dishonest, Deceptive, Disloyal, Defective, Dim, Doltish, Dreadful, Disrespectful, Disruptive, Dismal, Declining, and Damp!

Paolo's avatar

Dreadful Dipshit.

With or without a comma. We can also add Deranged and Depraved.

Liy Egan's avatar

what about disgusting and delusional?

sondi moore's avatar

I'm waiting for DEAD

Margaret Zwald's avatar

his initials are really dt - as in the poison.

Margaret Zwald's avatar

I once wrote a short piece what the C in YMCA is really about - creepy, cruel, chauvinist, clueless but your list wins a prize.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Does Donny Two-Dolls fit here too?

Ruth's avatar

Wow, you're good, you found more than I did! We should try all the letters of the alphabet.

Sing In Rain's avatar

Of course! Where do you think he's gonna get all the material for the biggest Arc in the world? And he'll cart it all off and sell it back to the U.S. What a DEAL, eh?

Judith Richards's avatar

Yes, destroying things. Oy vey.

MZ's avatar

This one hurts.

JAMES LEE FLEMING's avatar

Fear not. Satire is but the 1st salvo in the vast armamentarium set to descend from the the skies destroying all stupidity and sick, sad, sh_t-heads!

The Rickster's avatar

The truth hurts, but only when one laughs.

Diane Smith's avatar

I want to hit 'like' a hundred times.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

It’s groundhog day all over again

Penny Pawl's avatar

I did not know we had two groundhogs and one lives in the White House part time

David Gardiner's avatar

He finally had a breakthrough moment after evacuating the East Wing.

Lee Roscoe's avatar

evacuating being the word--on his golden toilet--which should flush him down it!

Phil M.'s avatar

Just reading the headlines for your really real true news can crack me up.

ISOequanimity's avatar

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Mark P Howard's avatar

Unless it's a digital clock showing AM and PM. Or, in Trump's case, an electronic display that shows nothing when unplugged.

Annette's avatar

clearing the room . . . now if that would only work at Cabinet meetings . . . or would have worked in Davos

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Cf the WaPo article today about his jokes bombing at the alfalfa club’s dinner Saturday

Annette's avatar

as they should, since he has no sense of humor . . . or a soul

Forrest Chumley's avatar

Trump always finds a way, and so do you! ! Thanks for giving us a goood laugh to start the week.i needed it. 😊

Katherine James's avatar

Gives him another opportunity to rip off the people with whom he contracts for construction projects.

Jeff Bell's avatar

Yes, Trump seems to have developed his skill to destroy things of value to a high level. The greater the value, the more vigorous the destruction.

I wonder why he stopped with just the East Wing? How come he didn't just blow up the entire White House? After all, look how old it is? Isn't it about time to replace it?

Maggie Dunbar's avatar

If he's going to blow up the White House, just make sure he and Just-A and Miller and Noem and RFK Jr and all the other cabinet sycophants are inside.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

You know perfectly well he is thinking about this. You know he really wants to wipe out the White House. I'm sure he'd like to bomb the Capitol building as well.

Lynne MacIntosh's avatar

Actually, I'm terrified about what he'll do to the Center. Doesn't Congress have to approve anything?

Lynne MacIntosh's avatar

He's a pro at running anything into the ground.

Al Gorythm's avatar

The same people that lost their minds over remodeled Cracker Barrels are totally fine with the White House getting bulldozed and the Trumping of the Kennedy Center.

BTAM Master's avatar

If you drew a Venn diagram of Cracker Barrel patrons and Kennedy Center patrons, you'd have two circles with a space between them.

Robot Bender's avatar

Miles of space.

Tom Rausch's avatar

Not true. I've been to both several times! (Back in the day)

Frau Katze's avatar

But the new Cracker Barrels were “woke.”

BTAM Master's avatar

I wish folks would "woke" up to what's happening to our country.

Al Gorythm's avatar

Said the dead from the neck up.

Philip Martin's avatar

Still trying to gigure out what “woke” means. I thought it was a phase of sleep.

Louis Judson's avatar

When I first heard the term "woke" it was a cynical idea among lefties about people who were fake progressives, on the left but not far enough left. Now the rethugs have turned it inside out and made it a euphemism for TOO far left. Man are they stupid!

Frau Katze's avatar

It’s now just a vague insult, imply leftish.

Kim D's avatar

My money is on them bulldozing the Kennedy Center too. Part of the renovations.

Al Gorythm's avatar

As long as he’s inside at the time it gets bulldozed, I’m good with it.

Annette's avatar

perhaps he could assemble his Cabinet in there before the bulldozing

Al Gorythm's avatar

I second the motion.

sondi moore's avatar

Make it his Mosque for burial and just leave it crashed around him in a pile of deep shit.

Susan Fernbach's avatar

I hope someone is on the preemptive lawsuit RIGHT NOW

Susan Kemp's avatar

You’re absolutely right!

Annette's avatar

<well said> maybe we need a pic of ConOLD sitting next to a barrel added to anything he put his name on.

Barry's avatar

I feel a demolition in the works. He is the Destroyer in Chief.

Hank Greenspan's avatar

"He' a real nowhere man. Sitting in his nowhere land. Making all his nowhere plans for nobody." --Beatles

Al Gorythm's avatar

Lies about his point of view

All the while he’s screwing you and me…

Maggie Dunbar's avatar

has no valid point of view

cares not what we're going through

Isn't he no way like you and me

Robyn Boyer's avatar

Brace yourselves, folks. He's going to tear the building down. The two year hiatus is just a feint; he's going to level an institution, replace it with gaud and awful. Just one more thing for us to tear down in 2029 and rebuild as it was intended.

Laurel Rutz's avatar

The obliteration of Jackie Kennedy’s exquisitely beautiful Rose Garden was only the “warm-up act” in Felon47’s cultural revenge.

Robyn Boyer's avatar

Sadly, you are right.

Laurel Rutz's avatar

I like YOUR FOCUS, Robyn, on how the American People will rekindle the spirit of the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts in the future! Perhaps, the refusal of artists and patrons to “bend the knee” to the authoritarian in the White House will be recorded historically as one of the American People’s FIRST ACTS OF RESISTANCE to Felon47’s regime of intellectual creative repression!

Robyn Boyer's avatar

I'm pretty sure we won't have to rekindle anything. The fire is already in us; we are kicking ass and taking names, recording everything, every abomination. History will reflect this time as one of our darkest hours. And yet...we will overcome.

Annette's avatar

Yes, ma'am!! And in overcoming this abomination, we will enter a time of lightness, integrity (as much as is possible in Congress) and happiness.

Annette's avatar

we can thank Melanoma for that

carol corsaro's avatar

It’s not just that he destroys, he proves how angry and envious and dangerous ….no cure for that!!

Susan Barnes's avatar

So he’s jealous of a man who’s been dead for 60 years. A new level of psychotic.

Annette's avatar

yet he's best friends with a fictional character (Lecter) . . . sounds like a case of dementia if I've ever heard one

Mark D Olson's avatar

I'm hoping we can start in 2027!

Frau Katze's avatar

I was thinking that too.

Susan Fernbach's avatar

I’m rooting for preemptive lawsuits

Annette's avatar

but who's paying for all this? Donors are, apparently, bootlicking to help build his Food Court and Cafeteria, but what about all this other nonsense.

Susan Fernbach's avatar

Maybe he’s using the interest on the “bored of peace” offshore account

Mary Cullen's avatar

Just like the East Wing.

Karen Rodd's avatar

I’m reeling this morning over what this lunatic has done to a once-incomparable arts center. This is to say nothing of the toll the closure will have on my neighborhood 😢

But thanks, Andy, for making me laugh even over this sad event. And, as always, there’s an ocean of truth in your satire.

Annette's avatar

on the bright side, at least there's no place to view sequels of "Melanoma"

Lorenzo's avatar

"Additionally, audiences have steered clear of the Kennedy Center out of fear that they might be seated next to JD Vance." You did it again - my instant cringe laugh of the day.

Irna Gadd's avatar

I’m with you on this. It’s the best line of the piece. I laughed out loud!

Al Keim's avatar

Yes Irna, that one made me bump my elbow on the marble armrest, ouch.

Annette's avatar

really, Al, who in their right mind would install marble armrests, unless you don't want people comfortable . . . oh wait, I answered my own question

Barbara Katzenberg's avatar

The emptied out Kennedy Center is sort of like the opera house Citizen Kane built for his talentless wife.

misia.d's avatar

Maybe Melania sings!

Diane Briggs's avatar

Or he could show her riveting documentary on a continuous loop. Why close? 🤢

Annette's avatar
3hEdited

worse than Yoko Ono - I believe Melanoma is responsible for Havana Syndrome

Gerry Boyce's avatar

If so let’s hope she sings the Immolation

Louis Judson's avatar

In what East European language?

Brenda Reiss's avatar

Nothing new. Same old greed and corruption wrapped up in different shiny covers

carol corsaro's avatar

Ooohhhh good one!!!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

A canard. He really plans to East-Wing it to make room for his Pyramid tomb

ISOequanimity's avatar

For the price of the gilded ballroom, the entire Navajo reservation could have running water, with 100M leftover. https://www.navajowaterproject.org/

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

He wouldn’t even give clean water to Lauren Bobert’s district in a Colorado!

Susanna Wilson's avatar

Of course! Now I see the end game!

Maureen's avatar

You sure got that one right Andy. At this time in history, when people can’t afford groceries, medical coverage spider man back packs and bunny hats for their kids, this is dump’s priority. He’s beyond sickening and should be locked up with his ICE/proud boy buddies and his corrupt and evil cabinet of morons.

Paul Kuzel's avatar

He also achieved the no audience by continually booking, Kid Rock…

Al Gorythm's avatar

Kid Rock makes music for people who know exactly how much Sudafed you can get for a catalytic converter.

Annette's avatar

THAT made me spit my coffee!

Jim Dygert's avatar

What a way to start this week! I can’t think of one thing that hasn’t failed after he put his name on it. I wonder what arm rests he went with..the marble or granite? Because nothing says comfortable like a cold, stone arm rest…

Tamas Jilling's avatar

Time to buy stocks in companies that make fake gold paints.

misia.d's avatar

The outside of the White House looks too bland.

Annette's avatar

true . . . it looked very colorful when Obama lit it up in rainbow lights

Arkansas Jannie Chrysler's avatar

If you can’t join them, beat them.

Frank D Repp's avatar

Actually, he should remove himself.

nacreplus2's avatar

Trump is a champion creator of cover-ups that don't hide anything. Now covering up his failure with an announcement of a two-year renovation of a building no one thought needed it. I shudder to think how casino chic and gold gilt will destroy it.

https://apnews.com/article/trump-kennedy-center-closing-renovations-c6dba4a46e71b0d0e48d46501195366c

Margie Gibson's avatar

I would think those photos of him, the wife, J.D. Vance and his consort (are they in the Hall of Nations?) would effectively drive away most people.