WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Offering a new explanation for the drawing attributed to him in Jeffrey Epstein’s birthday book, Donald J. Trump on Thursday alleged that Hunter Biden traveled back in time to the year 2003 to forge the artwork.
“There’s nothing Hunter can’t do with his laptop, and that includes time travel,” Trump told reporters, adding, “Everything’s computer.”
Trump then doubled down on his claim that he could not have drawn the obscene picture due to his long history of hand spurs.
“As you may know, I had bone spurs in my feet that made it impossible to serve in Vietnam,” he said. “Around 2003, the bone spurs traveled from my feet to my hands.”
Documenting his hand spur diagnosis, Trump offered a certified letter from his personal physician, Dr. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
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Doctors initially diagnosed Trump as having ass spurs but then realized that the spurs were JD "Couchman" Vance's and Mike Johnson's heads